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Artist: Lil Uzi Vert
Albums: Eternal Atake / Lil Uzi Vert vs. The World 2
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Background
Symere Bysil Woods was born on July 31, 1994. Symere had a rather normal childhood. Like many children, Symere’s parents were split up, but he had a healthy relationship with both. Overall, he had a loving, yet somewhat strict, family, attended school and enjoyed cartoons and anime’s. In high school, however, Symere became a bit of an oddball. He enjoyed unconventional music, such as his idol, Marilyn Manson and Paramore among other things, wore fox tails to school and often wanted to stand out in a crowd. Bullied and teased for his music taste and weird tendencies, Symere was as happy as could be, taking pride in being a bit different. Symere’s love for music would even inspire him to play the trumpet in his marching band. Symere would eventually decide to try his hand in hip hop, after seeing the attention and popularity other people, including his friend, William Aston, got from it. Symere would find that he actually was pretty decent at spitting, so Aston invited him to join a rap group he had made with another friend. This group would be known as “Steaktown”, believed to be called that due to Philadelphia’s reputation for cheesesteaks. From here, Symere’s life would forever change. Symere, now going by the name “Sealab Vertical”, actually found that he enjoyed rapping and the type of attention he got with it. Though he loved rapping and had gotten very into the genre, Steaktown broke up, putting a bit of a damper on Symere’s plans. However, don’t let that fool you into thinking he had given up on a hip hop career. Symere knew he had it in him and would not give up on the dream. Symere doubled down on his efforts to become a star, including dropping out of school, quitting a job as a bag boy and even getting tattoos on his face. Symere moved into his grandmother’s place within a nursing home. His grandmother was very supportive of his dream and Symere would constantly upload songs to Soundcloud. One day, a listener to his music on Soundcloud would tell him he sounded like a “Lil Uzi” since he rapped so fast, leading Symere to taking that and combining it with Vert, short for Vertical. However, that combo maybe a double entendre... From here, Lil Uzi Vert was born.
Uzi’s work would finally pay off when DJ Diamond Kuts would hear one of his songs from his first project, Purple Thoughtz Vol. 1. This would lead to Uzi getting one of his songs played on Philly’s Power 99 Station. At this time, Don Cannon was driving around Philly and he would eventually run into this song on the radio. Cannon reached out to Uzi and produced his first mixtape, The Real Uzi. After the release of The Real Uzi, Uzi signed to Atlantic Records through Generation Now. From here, he would go on tour with Fall Out Boy and Wiz Khalifa and feature on many artists’ songs. He had done it. He had achieved the fame he wanted. However, Uzi still wanted that superstar status and would take his next big step towards it by releasing his first big project, Luv Is Rage.
Luv Is Rage was released to a wider audience then Uzi normally got and drew many new people to him. It got very positive reviews and earned Uzi the title of being a breakout star of 2015. The project did feature a much different character then Uzi previously portrayed however. Now, instead of focusing mostly on hip hop exclusively, he set to combine it with styles of other influences he had, such as My Chemical Romance or Nirvana. This new style was very melodic and had a rocker vibe, which many would gravitate towards. Life was great for Uzi. He was making it big, had a hit project, a loving girlfriend by the name of Brittney and a solid fanbase. But this wouldn’t be all, as a few months later, he would release his biggest song yet, Money Longer. Immediately following that, he would release his second big project, Lil Uzi Vert vs. The World, strongly inspired by Scott Pilgram vs. The World.
Vs. The World was a hit. For many, it’s the defining project of 2016 and, among many younger people, is hailed as one of the best mixtapes ever made. Hell, back in 2016, people I knew were only listening to this tape as far as music went and were constantly quoting it. Even my football coach was quoting his lyrics and using random Uzi lines to motivate our team, since he was so popular with people my age. Everyone at my high school was listening to Uzi nearly exclusively and always talking about what he’d do next, as well as constantly posting pictures of him with quotes he never said on Snapchat, before Youngboy had that honor. Yup, those were the days. Uzi, his many watches, Scott Pilgram inspired hair, eccentric fashion choices, melodies and, of course, his girlfriend, Brittney, were and still are absolutely iconic to the year 2016. However, this was only the beginning to an absolutely insane year. Next, Uzi would take part in what is possibly the most legendary XXL Freshman Cypher ever, alongside Denzel Curry, Lil Yachty, 21 Savage and Kodak Black. Many agreed that Uzi was a standout from the cypher and many new fans were drawn to Uzi from it. Also around this time, he was featured on Migos’ smash hit, Bad and Boujee, and also on Future and DJ Esco’s hit, Too Much Sauce. To capitalize on all this, he was dropping constant new songs on his SoundCloud throughout the year, such as fan favorite song Buy It. Things wouldn’t be all good though, as around this time, Uzi would break up with his girlfriend and find that he had many fake friends around him. Regardless, he would then go on to release his second mixtape of 2016, The Perfect Luv Tape. This tape focused much less on vocals and melodies and was mostly a return to rapping. It was a fun and light hip hop tape, that featured many hit songs such as Do What I Want and Erase Your Social. This hype train was far from over, as three months later, Uzi would drop a collab tape with trap legend, Gucci Mane. This tape would be a bit of a spin off of Lil Uzi Vert vs. The World, called 1017 vs. The World. To cap off his legendary 2016, Uzi had a tour with The Weeknd to look forward to. Little did we all know just what that tour would bring and how what would happen next would propel Uzi to absolute superstar status.
Brittney and Uzi’s break up hit him more then he let on. He went through some troubles afterwards, even worsening his drug use. During these hard times, he wrote much more somber songs. One of said songs would find its way to an EP called Luv Is Rage 1.5 (a prequel to his upcoming album, Luv Is Rage 2). The song, called XO Tour Lif3, as a reference to the tour he was on with The Weeknd, would be an absolute smash hit and possibly one of the most iconic songs ever made. This song would popularize what is now known as “Emo Rap”. The style wasn’t new, as it was being done by other artists, such as Yung Lean, Lil Peep and Bones, among others, but it had never been popular on this scale before. After this, Uzi would run with the emo aesthetic as a way to hype up Luv Is Rage 2. Taking massive inspiration from Marilyn Manson, he would put on a devil worshipping front and would go all in with the punk rockstar aesthetic. When released, Luv Is Rage 2 was everything this new aesthetic promised. We got deep cuts detailing his broken relationship, such as The Way Life Goes, songs that showed how much of rockstar he can be, such as Early 20 Rager, personal cuts about his family, such as Dark Queen and even new iconic bangers, such as 20 Min. This album was a hit with the numbers, received positive reviews and is well loved by many. It even would get him nominated for best new artist at the Grammy’s. Uzi was on top of the world. However, some pretty rough times were coming up.
Uzi has a fairly mundane 2018 at first. There were some positive moments to come out of it, such as his hilarious verse on Lil Tracy’s Like a Farmer remix, teasing many iconic snippets and him getting clean after the death of Lil Peep, an artist he greatly admired, but it was mostly a year of us riding the high that 2017 Uzi provided. Uzi would set the rap world on fire when he revealed the cover art for his next album, Eternal Atake. Immediately, everyone was hyped due to the very interesting concept the cover had, in that it was modeled after the Heavens Gate logo. Uzi then started going with a new alien/cult leader type aesthetic, abandoning the devil worshipping punk rockstar aesthetic. That October, Uzi released, what was at the time, the first single from the album. This song, called New Patek, was a six minute banger teased in an iconic snippet and was universally praised and hailed as one of his best songs. The world was watching. Everyone was expecting a legendary album to dropped.
Then we waited. We waited a long time. Well, turns out there was behind the scenes drama going on with the making of this album. Uzi, DJ Drama and Don Cannon all had a falling out, as they wouldn’t let him release it. On top of that, the remainder of the Heavens Gate cult was threatening Uzi with a lawsuit. Uzi even briefly retired from rap. Hell, recently we learned there was an album he was making with Pharrell that was scrapped in all this chaos. Also, I’m pretty sure that his anticipated tape with Playboi Carti, 16*29, was scrapped in this time, unless I’m mistaken. On top of this, rumors say that he had some pretty bad drama going on with his step brother who allegedly murdered someone. It was a mess. This would all cumulate in Uzi dropping a track called “Free Uzi” which turned into a campaign supported by multiple people. Worst part is that a lot of tracks, many of which are hailed as Uzi’s very best songs, from the Eternal Atake sessions leaked, pretty much destroying any chance of getting the OG album. Two of those leaks, Sanguine Paradise and That’s a Rack, were eventually officially released, however. 2018 and early 2019 were hard on Uzi. Many wondered if he’d ever be able to get back on his feet. Fortunately, JAY-Z stepped in and “freed” Uzi, signing him to Roc Nation. After this, Uzi still withheld the album. He teased it many times, but it never would release. Fans then wondered if it’d ever drop. Most just gave up hope that it was even real anymore. Eternal Atake was looked at as the new Detox. Dead in the water, just another scrapped album.
Then something happened. Uzi dropped a new song, Futsal Shuffle 2020, claiming it was Eternal Atake’s first single. Yeah, okay. He’s probably capping. Then a couple months later he dropped That Way, a song with an amazing Backstreet Boys sample and said it was from Eternal Atake. Again, yeah sure. Then in February of 2020 he said Eternal Atake would drop in two weeks. Nobody really took it seriously. Then he dropped a high budget trailer, returning to the alien cult leader aesthetic in the process. Okay, it’s getting interesting. He then let the fans pick out the new cover for Eternal Atake. Could this be real? Then three days later he dropped it early. Eternal Atake was not only real, but it was here. Then, the next week, Uzi promised a deluxe with all the grails people begged for. He then revealed that it was not only a deluxe, but a second half to Eternal Atake, this half being a sequel to his album Lil Uzi Vert vs. The World. Two Uzi albums in one year. One being one of the most hotly anticipated albums ever and the other a sequel to a beloved mixtape that some consider a classic.
Nowadays, Symere Woods is one of the most iconic artists there is. Known for his now many face tattoos, constantly changing hairstyles, crazy outfits and wide ranging music. He is an icon, he stands out in the crowd, he has a very interesting look, a unique sound and he has a devoted fan base. Uzi is now the king of the world. But in a new world where COVID-19 ran rampant, Uzi thrived as a major source of entertainment in these times. He is often said to have carried 2020 on his back even. But is this statement true? Were the releases that good? Did they live up to the hype? Are they even worth a listen?
Review Part 1: Eternal Atake
I would like to apologize for going so hard on that background. However, I feel it is completely necessary to detail Uzi’s entire story for this project. This is what Uzi’s entire career has lead up to. Every single move Symere Woods has made these last few years all cumulated in this project. This project can be viewed to Uzi what Tha Carter 3 was to Lil Wayne and what DS2 was to Future. It marks the climax of a rising star and will set expectations in both fans and the mainstream for where Uzi’s career will go to next. Also forgive me if I got some events out of order.
I think I should clarify this. I was a pretty big hater of Uzi’s this time last year. I thought his music was subpar and had not heard a whole lot of it. However, Eternal Atake changed that. When I went in not expecting something that had a massive concept and lyricism, I was greeted with a very versatile, yet consistent body of work that had a pretty slick concept and story. I would later find more music of Uzi’s with some substance and more to say on other projects, but I think here he very smartly just sticks to having a blast and taking the audience on an upbeat trip through his world. This is not a darker project with some deeper cuts in there like Luv Is Rage 2 was, this is just Uzi in his most fun loving form yet. Some fans will not like that, as they wanted a more hard hitting Uzi like we got last time around, however, I think it was the way to go for this project, as it not only creates a nice parallel to Uzi’s last major release, but it also helped to have some upbeat music amidst the Coronavirus, racial injustices, riots, etc. It was the album I felt we needed and to make life a little bit better in the trying times. On top of that, this album is a huge release for Uzi and would definitely serve as an introduction for thousands of new fans and I think him doing music he’s completely confident in and that is easier to digest and jam to is the way to go. The more serious topics can wait for a future release, for now it’s all about making a banger of an album and giving the audience a good time.
The album does have a story to it that is told through skits. The story is about Uzi being abducted by aliens, encountering a cult on the ship, while trying to escape. The cult may symbol how he has a “cult following”, which is hinted at in a song in the second half of the album. It’s a pretty unique concept and is fun, I also appreciate that he put the extra effort in. While Uzi is messing around in the ship, he travels to different world trying to make it home, each one he travels to introduces a different persona.
We start the album with the persona of “Baby Pluto”. Baby Pluto is the persona Uzi has seemed to have stuck with for most of 2020 as well, especially on then upcoming his collabs with big Pluto himself, Future. Baby Pluto is the Uzi of 2012-2014. Focused on fast flows, this version of Uzi has very little melodies and is just focused on making fast paced and breakneck bangers. The standouts of this section of the album include the Baby Pluto title track, the very catchy Lo Mein and You Better Move, which, in classic Uzi fashion, samples Space Cadet Pinball. Baby Pluto is a much more traditional rapper then the upcoming personas. Another key to this persona is that it’s production feels very over the top and very frantic. Uzi claims this is sound like a spaceship blasting off which I can definitely see. This persona ultimately concludes once we reach Homecoming, a banger of a track consisting of disco type production. Also, before I forget, we have to mention POP and it’s infamous “Balenci” lyrics. I mean, hey, the album wouldn’t be complete without a meme arising from it, so I think it can slide. And just like that, the album starts with a bang, or perhaps a pop (sorry I had to). All the songs are memorable and all of them are hits. After this, Uzi travels to a new planet, entering his new persona, Renji.
The Renji persona has a higher pitched voice, combines faced paced rapping and some melodies and goes over much more cartoonish production. In this section, we are greeted to some absolutely fantastic tracks such as Celebration Station, which seems to be a sound Uzi likes replicating on other songs post Eternal Atake, Prices, a Travis Scott sampling epic, which is by far the best song on here to me and also Bust Me. This Renji persona seems to exist as a way to satisfy all types of Uzi fans. The ones who want melodic and more emotional Uzi will enjoy Chrome Heart Tags and I’m Sorry, while fans of faster paced and more fun loving Uzi will enjoy Celebration Station, Bigger Than Life, Prices and Bust Me. Speaking of I’m Sorry, Uzi briefly returned to his emo roots for that song, which is sure to be enjoyable for fans of that style, however I appreciated how he kept it cheeky, as it seems he was apologizing to his fans for the long wait as well. The production on this section of the album is much more relaxed sounding ranges from light and bubbly, such as on Celebration Station, to downright epic, such as on Prices, but I never feel that it doesn’t feel consistent, as none of them are beats that feel overly aggressive. With the end of Prices, Uzi crash lands back on Earth. This time we enter a new persona, the one and only, Lil Uzi Vert.
Lil Uzi Vert is the Uzi we all know and love. High pitched melodies, such as Venetia, mixed with more raspy melodies, such as Secure The Bag. This is classic and also new melodic Uzi presented together in a nice harmony. However, the standout to me is Urgency, an absolutely fantastic song with a feature from Syd), a very talented singer who was a member of legendary hip hop group Odd Future, along with the likes of Tyler The Creator, Earl Sweatshirt and Frank Ocean. Here we get every type of melodic Uzi presented in one song. We hear the raspy voiced one, the high pitched one and the more mellow sounding one. Uzi presents all his vocal ranges here, presenting an insanely catch hook and also a pretty solid rapping verse. Syd then stops by for a pretty nice verse as well as harmonizing with Uzi. To me, this song feels like a spiritual successor to The Way Life Goes, but I can’t place my finger on why. The second stand out here is Venetia, with its fast paced raps and the infectiously delightful “yeah yeah” adlibs, along with an album best verse in its second verse. Secure The Bag also sticks out, with Uzi’s yelling raspy voice, taking us back to the Luv Is Rage 1 days. Then we conclude with Uzi making it to shore and saying that he has to drop the album as he was missing for too long on that ship, a cheeky way of explaining why he hasn’t released, and then we go to the next track, P2. P2 is the sequel to XO Tour Lif3, bringing us full circle back to Uzi’s big breakout hit. This time, however, Uzi seems content with the breakup, he seems happier with it. I think this song shows us that Uzi has accepted that him and Brittney didn’t work and that he’s done with the hard feelings he held in the first part, while also presenting us with a full circle conclusion for the album. The album then ends with Uzi thanking his fans.
The next two bonus tracks are the singles released, That Way and Futsal Shuffle 2020. I like that they’re here as bonuses. Both are very good, especially That Way. As for Futsal Shuffle, it’s a very weird song that sounds like a trashy 2007 pop track, but Uzi makes it work as a throwback. The dance it inspired was alright too I guess, glad to see people had fun with it. I’m glad both songs still made the tracklist, as I feel they both are worthy enough to be on it, even if it’d be hard to place them in one of the album’s sections.
A fantastic album. A great sampler or what Uzi has to offer that also feels consistent and like a coherent album. All going along with a pretty engaging story. The album actually reminds me a good bit of Uzi’s XXL Freshman classmate, Denzel Curry, in that it is structured very similarly to his album, TA13OO. Uzi possibly could have took some inspiration from him there and it is very cool to see another artist succeed with a structure like that. Anyway, there isn’t a single dull moment here. For some, 18 tracks can be very cluttered, but Uzi manages to make all the songs sound fun and even if some maybe a bit similar, they are oozing with character that makes them still stand out enough to work. With this album, Uzi proves that this is his world and we are all just tourist in it.
But we’re not done yet. As I said, there is a second half we must talk about. We’ve only played two quarters of this ball game and it’s a good game so far. How will the rest of it be?
Review Part 2: Lil Uzi Vert vs. The World 2
The second half of this album, a “deluxe”, would end up starting a major trend. Now it seems every artist has hopped on the wave of having a second half as a deluxe album. The influence of this album is already present. This second half is already iconic. That really says something in my opinion. Anyway, influence aside, this half is pretty great as well. LUV vs. The World 2 is labeled as a sequel to Uzi’s most beloved tape, because it has all of Uzi’s most hyped up grails. The songs the fans have begged for on a sequel to their favorite tape only seems right. For many, THIS is the part they’ve been waiting for.
If Eternal Atake was a trip through space, Vs. The World 2 is a trip through time. It’s quite interesting, as you can tell the age of songs by Uzi’s vocal style, his flows and by which songs he says he no longer does drugs on. We begin our trip in 2018 through Myron, Lotus and Bean, all of which were among Uzi’s most anticipated snippets, especially Lotus. Now, I wasn’t the biggest Uzi fan before, as I stated, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t looking forward to Myron after the snippet he dropped of it right after New Patek released.
As I said before, I was hyped for Myron. Hell, Myron is the song I was even looking forward to Eternal Atake for, before my time as an Uzi fan. At first, I wasn’t a fan of the actual song, as it’s slowed down a good bit from the original snippet, however, I’ve grown to really enjoy it. The more slowed down voice fits as a strong opener to this sequel project, as Vs. The World 1 was done almost entirely with that voice, so it makes it easier to jump right into here once you finish that one. The song has Uzi spitting over some Christmasy production, all while testing his vocal range with some especially dry yells near the end and also some high pitched vocals sprinkled in. To sum it up, it slaps. Next up is Lotus, which was perhaps the most anticipated hip hop snippet in history. A lot of people were disappointed with it and said the mixing was off, but I personally fucking love Lotus. The song is catchy as fuck and the vocals are very loud on it, which I personally like, as that is the main draw to the song for me. The last verse especially is great, as it fits hand in hand with the hook before. All of this going over some pretty mild, yet spacey production makes for an amazing track. Next up is Bean, or Kobe, as it includes a reference to the now late basketball player and sports legend, Kobe Bryant. This was a song long anticipated and another snippet that fans had been begging for nearly two years for. This song contains the deep voiced and menacing Chief Keef going hand in hand vocally with Uzi’s childlike screeches and high pitched voice. The energy Uzi carries on the song feels a lot like the energy he delivered on Lotus, making it a very consistent transition. This three track trip to 2018 delivered us with three straight knockouts, instantly drawing the audience back into Uzi’s colorful world. However, right as we get comfortable, we’re transported back further into the past. We’re taken to the 2016 XXL Cypher, where we reunite with an old friend, 21 Savage.
Yessirskiii is possibly my favorite song from this project, it’s between it and another track we will get to in a bit. This song reminds me of the 2016 XXL Cypher not just because of 21 Savage on it, but also because Uzi’s elated flow and vocals mixed with 21 Savage’s dry and unenthusiastic vocals make for a similar experience to that legendary cypher, while also being wildly entertaining. 21 Savage glides effortlessly on the production done by Pi’erre Bourne, in what is one of his best beats yet. Savage also delivers one of my favorite hooks of the year so far as well, one that is very simple, but very catchy. Uzi then comes in with his signature high pitched rapping style and if Savage glides over the beat, Uzi rides it, presenting us with a completely different style of rapping over it that also feels consistent with what Savage did. The track concludes with Savage’s hook, leaving you wanting an instant encore. Immediately following this high, we’re taken to the future with a song with none other then Future himself. Wassup is a song that acts as a teaser to Uzi’s then future project with Future. Uzi presents his signature melodies and long stretching of words in an insanely catchy hook. He then delivers a very strong verse, humbly flexing that he can’t win every time, but does most of the time at least. Among that are also some alien references, tying into the first half of the album nicely. Future then comes in and gives another solid verse, not his most memorable, but still solid nonetheless. The track concludes and what we’re left with is a great little glimpse into the future that we didn’t know was coming at the time, here Baby Pluto x Pluto was truly born. After this, we are taken back to the present, at least for two tracks.
Strawberry Peels is a short, yet very sweet, collaboration with Young Thug and Gunna. Thugger gives us a breakneck hook over some wild production, Gunna drops a solid enough verse then Uzi comes in perfectly matching Thugger’s energy. Uzi rapping over the frantic production before going into Thugger’s last hook is the perfect reminder of why these two work so well together. I Can Show You presents us with some classical(?) sounding production with Uzi delivering some Celebration Station types flows over it. It’s an Eternal Atake track vocally, but a new sound production wise. I like it a lot. It feels familiar yet new at the same time.
After our time in the present, we are transported back to 2017, when Luv Is Rage 2 came out. Moon Relate, a banger with some lyrics dealing with “pain” and a vibe that is similar to 20 Min. Based off of another much anticipated snippet, the song more then lived up to the hype. The song has super high pitched vocals and feels like Uzi at his most unhinged, a stark contrast from the vibe of the first Vs. The World, but adding tons of character to this new project. Even if you never heard the much anticipated snippet, you can tell this track is from that Luv Is Rage 2 era with its sound and it is a great revisit to that era. Next up we have what is the best song on the tape and what is, in my opinion, one of Uzi’s best songs period. Come This Way is absolutely fantastic. For it, we are taken back to 2016, when the snippet of it was first previewed. This song sounds exactly like something that’d be on the first tape and is definitely able to compete with the best songs from that tape, such as Grab The Wheel and Money Longer. The song has 2016 Uzi’s classic raspy voice and has modern Uzi’s more high pitched voice at different points throughout the song, making it a satisfaction for those who prefer one or the other. It is clearly a transition track from a transition era in Uzi’s career, that being late 2016, and it sounds absolutely fantastic. The song shows Uzi’s vocal range, all while providing what may be my favorite hook of the year. People have begged for 2016 Uzi to return and its only right that we get the perfect 2016 Uzi track in the sequel to his defining project of that year.
Next up we go back to late 2018 where we get Trap This Way, a song previewed in another wildly popular snippet from that time. First off, I appreciate this track coming after Come This Way since they have similar titles, but beyond that, this is a great track. The hook is catchy, the verses are good and the song is an all around banger. This song and the last represent my two favorite Uzi eras, 2016 and 2018, solidifying this as a great project even before we reach the end.
Next up is the Lil Wayne sampling banger, No Auto. which features Lil Durk. The song is mean, it’s vicious and it’s classic “murder” music. The sample is great and brings us back to 2004, the days of Tha Carter 1, but the sample does not go to waste, as it provides a very hard hitting beat for the harsh lyrics. The song just all around bangs, even if it’s not quite as good as the best of this tape. For the next song, Money Spread, we go to the year 2019, to the day Sli’merre was released. The production by Pi’erre sounds ripped straight from Sli’merre and the feature by Young Nudy is great, yet very foul and nasty. Uzi is great and does very well on the strange production, but Mr. Nudy is who really shines here, with him telling us that he will put his white stuff on our girlfriend’s butts and that she’s promoting his nuts. It is absolutely absurd. Besides that, the song feels a bit like a spiritual successor to the Sli’merre track, Extendo, the last collaboration between Pi’erre, Nudy and Uzi. All of it is a nice throwback to one of 2019’s best tapes. For Got The Guap, we are returned to the week before this tape came out, with another song that has a very similar vibe to Celebration Station. Uzi has a much more muted and calm voice then usual on here and I really like it, it’s nice when he does new things with his voice. Uzi gives us a catchy hook and good verses, touching on how God has helped him and flexes all his accomplishments. I also enjoy the melodies he puts in his first verse. Thugger then stops by for another feature, effortlessly matching Uzi’s energy. The song is a ton of fun.
And finally we conclude the album with the NAV featuring song, Leaders. NAV makes up most of the song, but gives a solid performance. The song is meant to lead right into Eternal Atake, as it focuses on cult followings and relating them to cult leaders, which is a theme in Eternal Atake as we know by the Heaven’s Gate marketing. Nav relates his status to Jim Jones, while Uzi does to Marshall Applewhite, leader of Heaven’s Gate. I think this song is a great Segway into Eternal Atake and concludes this album on a nice note. I think this whole album being before Eternal Atake on the track list makes sense, as it feels like it shows us what songs preceded the album and the road that lead us there.
A great album. Not only that, a fantastic double album. Uzi shows every bit of talent he has across these 32 tracks and on every one of them, he brings his eccentricity to the forefront and shows the world why the weirdos now run the music industry. Everything he set out to do since high school has now come to fruition and Uzi is now one of the kings of hip hop and music in general.
Favorite Lyrics

One eye open, ‘Luminati like Fetty Wap.

• Lil Uzi Vert on Silly Watch

Balenci Balenci Balenci Balenci Balenci

• Lil Uzi Vert on POP

Get money like Anthony Hop. Silence the lamb and your ass’ll get chopped

• Lil Uzi Vert on Prices

They laugh at me because I’m emo, I killed my girlfriend that’s why I’m single

• Lil Uzi Vert on That Way

No, statistically I can’t win everytime, but you know the score is probably like 10-3. And them three times I had to take an L, I remember them boys tried to finish me. Said we roll a Wood, I roll like 50 L’s.

• Lil Uzi Vert on Wassup

Strawberry Peels, Strawberry Peels, Strawberry Peels, Strawberry Peels

• Young Thug on Strawberry Peels

Pain

• Lil Uzi Vert on Moon Relate

I got your bitch over here promoting my nuts. Your hoe is a slut, hit it from the back, n*gga, put it it in her guts. Yeah, slap it on her butt, whole lotta white stuff on her butt

• Young Nudy on Money Spread

We from the same hood , that’s a nickel and dime. That’s all we know. God gave me the opportunity to open doors

• Lil Uzi Vert on Got The Guap

No, I’m not Marshall Applewhite, but I’m tryna phone home

• Lil Uzi Vert on Leaders

Questions
• Did Eternal Atake live up to the hype for you? If not, did you still enjoy it?
• Do you think the version of Eternal Atake we got is better or worse then the one we could’ve gotten in 2018, based off what you heard from leaks? What songs do you feel should’ve been kept on?
• What do you think of this deluxe trend? Do you think that it will last? Do you think Uzi handled it well on this project?
• Did the full songs of snippets live up to the hype for you?
• Which half did you like more, Eternal Atake or Lil Uzi Vert vs. The World 2?
• Fans that consider Lil Uzi Vert vs. The World as a classic or even just as a great tape, did the sequel live up to the first one for you?
• Do you miss Uzi’s old 2016 style like many others? Are you happy he seems to be bringing it back?

Continuing… (It's Part 6 in the saga, I fucked up. Sorry.)
So, after a few re-fueling and impromptu cigar-purchasing stops in South and Central America, we wheel up to the deserted jetway at LAX.
“Thought we were going to Elmendorf?” I asked.
“This isn’t it?” the pilot replied, feigning worry.
“No.”, I replied, “Looks like California. Fruits and nuts. All around. What’s going on? One minute we’re off to Texas, then Cali, then Texas again, now we end up here at the California airport of the iconic tower.”
“Yeah, it’s confusing enough haulin’ civilians around. But when we get a call from Virginia, we tend to comply without any questions,” the pilot explains.
“Aw, shit!”, I sort of exclaim, “Rack and Ruin called?”
“Yeah”, the pilot replies, “Figures you’d know these guys. They said they were closer to LAX rather than Texas and had us divert here. In fact, you look over there, see that dark blue Chevy? That’s them; and evidently, your ride.”
I tipped the airman from earlier a couple of cigars as he helped me with my gear off the plane and into the trunk of Rack and Ruin’s plain-Jane blue late modeled Chevy. Had to move the Sidewinder Missiles off to one side, though.
“Most honorable Agents Lack and Luin!” I quipped in my faux-racist greeting. “What the hell, guys? I’ve got to get to Japan and get some newly rigidified digits.”
“Let’s see your hand”, Agent Rack asks. “Nasty.”
“Yeah”, I sigh “And with the medicos in South America and their penchant for plaster, I don’t so much have a left hand as more of an ankylosaur tail.”
“Or Thagomizer”, Agent Ruin tittered. “Anyone gives you grief, and one upside the head should set them right. Or dead.”
“You’re a riot, Ruin.” I replied, “But not entirely incorrect.”
We all agreed that I really didn’t need any extra accouterments to make myself look more dangerous. I mean with my severe haircut, stern beard clip, and perpetual ‘Go fuck yourself’ scowl.
“Yeah”, I replied, stroking the aforementioned beard, “I just can’t get that. I’m such a people person.”
After Agents Rack and Ruin finished drying their eyes from laughing what I thought was en extremis, we finally got down to business.
“So, what’s the skinny, guys”, I asked. “New marching orders?”
“No. Not as such”, Agent Ruin said, still sniggering over my ‘people person’ comment.
I see we’re moving. Agent Rack is just driving casually, like Chewbacca when they were waiting to see if the Empire went for that expensive Bothan code.
“Then, what?” I asked, getting a slight bit piqued.
“Well”, Agent Ruin noted, “When you went to South America, you took some of your artillery collection with, correct?”
“You know I did. You even made some snide comments about my personal choice of sidearms and their ‘excessive’ calibers, if memory serves”, I reiterated.
“And if you are proceeding normally, as you always do, they’re all nestled in the trunk of this very car. All cleaned, quiet, unloaded, and smelling sweetly of Hoppe’s Number 9 and WD 40, correct?” Rack inquired.
“Yes?” I cautiously venture.
“Well, ya’ big dummy, do you think they’re going to let you saunter into Tokyo armed like the Third Fleet?” Agent Ruin chuckled.
“Um…well…I do have a Diplomatic Passport.” I ventured.
“That’s not going to work this time.”, Agent Ruin said, shaking his head. “They’re tighter than Dick’s Hatband about sidearms. Want to bring in your Rigby SXS .500 Nitro Express double rifle? Not a problem. Sidearms, especially in your alien hunting calibers, nope.”
Well, that’s just….*dandy!”, I reply, semi-put out. “Now what the hell am I going to do?”
“Ever think that’s why Ruin and I are here, now?”, Rack asks.
“And here I thought it was just so you could bask in the warm glow of my fucking wonderful personality. Or that you actually cared about me as a real goddamn human”, I joshed.
“Ummm…yeah”, Rack replies, “There’s no way we can answer that without going on some Deadpool list. “
I agreed.
“OK, here’s the deal: you get your sidearms, ammunition, speed loaders, brass knuckles, Asp, laser range finders, Sap, Zeiss scopes, Kukri, Wisconsin Cheese Whittler, Buck folding skinner, Marine K-Bar, those two ultra-illegal Cheburkov Cobra titanium switchblades...”
“Three. Olga the KGB lady sent me one for Geologist’s Day.”
“Ahem. Those three ultra-illegal Cheburkov switchblades, that Wyoming Speedholer, your MASER Time-Distance Computer, garrote, pocket rail gun and whatever else lethal you carry and deposit it in the iron box in the trunk. We’ll ensure that it’s delivered to Esme post-haste. And by post-haste I mean one of our guys will deliver it personally.”
“Well…I suppose”, I conceded, “But best send someone who’s been to the house recently. I don’t know how much bigger Khan has grown since I left on this little fantasy trip. Wouldn’t want a star on the wall in Langley for someone eaten by a mastiff. Want to see a picture….Oh, bother. That’s right. My phone’s at the bottom of fucking Lake Maracaibo.”
“Good point”, Ruin interjects, “Guess we’ll do a little road trip and deliver it ourselves. Best call Esme and let her know what’s going on.”
“I have no objections to your proposals. Please give Esme this when you see her. I had some luck in the Calaveras Casino and if I don’t send her some mad money. Ouch. She’ll never forgive me for not taking her along to Japan.” I asked.
“But I thought Esme hated Japan? Too crowded and too ‘fussy’, I believe was her estimation.” Ruin asked.
“Yes, but once she saw the Ginza, all bets were off. Shopping the likes of which even Allah himself hasn’t seen.” I replied, slowly shaking my head.
“I see”, Ruin said, “Well, since you’re off to Sapporo, perhaps you can do a recon for Esme on the shopping there.”
“Not bad. Not bad at all.”, I smiled, “Now I know why I let you guys hang around with me.”
So, as advertised, I am now standing on the tarmac at LAX, basically feeling naked.
“Can’t I keep just one switchblade?” I moaned to Agent Rack.
“Go ahead, if you’re really keen on donating it to Japanese customs”, he replied.
“Fuckbuckets.” I groused.
“There, there now. That’s the usual Dr. Rocknocker of which we’re all so fond.” Agent Ruin chuckled.
“Remember, you do have that wallet-sized credit card gizmo from the Company. So you’re not entirely ‘naked’. Think of it as an emergency breechcloth.” He smiled.
“I’d like a larger model if you don’t mind. It’s chilly out here.” I joshed.
After Agents Rack and Ruin stripped me metaphorically naked as they de-weaponized me, they handed me a Business Class ticket to Tokyo, and a pass to the Japan Airlines Hospitality Suite and Lounge.
“So sorry you guys can’t hang around and have a few farewell snorts”, I chided, “But you’ve got a bit of a drive, so best be off before the weather turns to shit.”
“Who says we’re driving?” Agent Rack asked as he hooked a thumb over his shoulder at the ready and waiting C-130 cargo plane currently taxiing slowly in our direction.
“Well, in that case”, I smiled even more broadly, “Let’s invite the flight crew to join us. That’ll make the flight home all that much more interesting.”
After near tear-jerking farewell sentimentalities, i.e., “Piss on you”, “Get stuffed” and “Take a fuckin’ hike”; Agents Rack and Ruin, my weapons and the Agency’s plain-Jane Blue Chevy were all nestled snugger than buggers in ruggers in the belly of the thundering C-130.
Now truly on my own, I trudge the hundred thousand or so centisteps to my departure terminal, make a quick recon that my flight’s still slated to go in a generally westward direction, and hightail it to the nearest courtesy desk to ask for a motorized cart to take me and my remaining luggage to the JAL Hospitality Suite.
Hey. I’m old, infirm, and currently among the walking wounded.
Anyone that disagrees risks an Ankylosaur tail club swat or Thagomizer to the skull.
Finally ensconced in the JAL Hospitality Suite, Polo Lounge of course; I was drinking Tokyo Teas (3 oz. vodka, 2 oz. gin, 2 oz. rum, 1 oz. triple sec, 1 oz. Midori, good splash of lime juice, a slight splash of 7-Up (diet, of course), over ice with a lime wheel) with Pabst Blue Ribbon Extra 1844 chasers and Hangar One’s “Fog Point” vodka on the side, hiding from the brutish realities of this foul year of two thousand and twenty-something, Common Era…
I’ve already called Esme and we’ve had a good, long chat. She still managed to give me her shopping list for whenever I find myself bored on the Ginza.
She’ll be shocked when she learns that I’m not going to be in Tokyo long, but have 1st class tickets on the Bullet Train to Sapporo. Still, I’ll probably find myself in Pole Town or the Stellar Place there, trading piles of US greenbacks for locally produced Japanese curios and clothing.
I can hardly wait.
I order another round of drinks, as the wonderful attendants in the Hospitality Suite were bored out of their skulls because of the COVID-induced drop-in customers flying anywhere that requires a hospitality room stay, and I was virtually the only one around. They tried their level best to outdo each other when it comes to Japanese efficiency and friendliness.
After a couple of hours, they ask if I would like something from the grill, as the day chef had “the COVID” and the night chef just arrived. A quick perusal of the menu and I chose a 28-ounce dry-aged Porterhouse and another round of drinks.
I usually don’t like to eat too much before I fly, but JAL tells me the flight is going to be virtually empty, something like <121 pax, all told, so restroom availability shouldn’t be too much of a concern.
Plus, who am I to say no to a free, blue 28-ounce dry-aged Porterhouse?
There was a bit of difficulty conveying to the chef through the intermediaries of the hospitality just how I wanted my steak.
“Blue,” I said.
“Brue?” was the reply.
“Rare. Very, very rare.” I continued.
Look of total bewilderment.
I drag out my Personal Language Pro, speak “Steak, very, very rate” into the infernal gizmo, and hand the contraption to the attendant.
“珍しい、非常に珍しいステーキ?”[ Mezurashī, hijō ni mezurashī sutēki?]
“Raw! Nama!” I say, louder than need be.
They toddle off to find the chef.
“How is it sir, that you would like your steak cooked?” he asks.
“Very rare. Just a minute or two per side. Inside still cold.” I instructed.
All I got for the trouble was a puzzled smile.
“Give me the language gizmo…” I type in a few words…
“お尻を洗い、角をノックオフして、ここから出してください”
[O shiri o arai,-kaku o nokkuofu shite, koko kara dashite kudasai.]
“Wash its ass, knock its horns off, and walk it out here.”
“OH!” as the lightbulb pops. “Rare. Got it! Excellent!” the chef laughs and zips back to the kitchen.
Like I always say, I’m nothing if not the international ambassador of amity and goodwill.
“Crack tubes!”
Dinner was fantastic. I do wish I could have somehow mailed the Porterhouse bone back home for Khan. After that hambone incident, he might even taste it.
Finally on the plane, in an almost empty Business Class, the flight captain informs us that we’re headed to Haneda Airport Tokyo and anyone not headed in that direction better ‘haul ass off’ the flight or forever hold their peace.
Late-night international flights tend to be a bit more wooly than your average Chicago to Omaha gig.
Especially when the flight’s damn near empty and we have the next 12 hours or so to be best friends.
We taxi, turn and head into the wind. I’m doctoring up a couple of dossiers and keeping my personal cabin attendant, Luna since there were two of us in Business and two business flight attendants, busy with her trying to play ‘Stump the Geologist’.
“I’ll bet you never had this before.” She beamed and handed me a tumbler of very dangerous-looking brown liquor.
I cautiously sniff, take a modest gulp, swirl and glug the rest down.
“Ohishi Single Sherry Cask”, I say with a muffled belch. “Light. Fruity. An Englishman’s drink.”
“Oh. You knew. Let me try again.” She smiles beatifically.
“I have no objections to your proposal.” I smile as nicely as this crotchety old Komodo Dragon could.
She returns with another flagon of spirits; it smells of obsidian, leather, and earth.
I just had some of this back in LAX. I take a snort, smile, and shotgun the rest.
“Hibiki Japanese Harmony…lovely stuff.” I smile. “A little light for my jaded palate, but I’d never turn it down if it were free.”
“Oh, you win again. Wait. One more.” She smiles and skitters off to the galley.
She returns with another soupçon of some more dangerous brown liquor.
“Here, try this. It will make you very popular at social gatherings”. She smiles.
Sniff. “Splendid.” Snort. Swirl. Smile. Shotgun.
“Kanosuke New Born, if I’m not mistaken.” I smile back. “Very nice. I really do like this one.”
“You too good at this. One more!” she stands and stomps off defiantly. She returns in a trice and hands me the glass.
“Hmm…brown. Light notes of earth, leather, dating your daughter, and Kentucky…
“Beam Suntory, right?”
“You know them all!” she says, feigning irritation.
“And I thank you. Those were all excellent. Now, anything in the dangerous clear liquor category? I asked.
Luna smiled as I palmed off a 20k yen tip.
“Oh, no sir. Wait until we land.” She demurred, referring to the gratuity; which is know is not de rigueur in the Orient, but she didn’t seem to mind.
“Just in case we never make it to Tokyo”, I laughed, unknowingly presciently.
We both chuckled about that last line as she tried out various sakes and shōchūs and an actual Japanese ‘White Liquor’ (ホワイトリカー), which were all excellent as was the company.
I tell her that I need to get some work done and could she bring me a tall Rocknocker. After explain the origins and construction of the eponymous drink, she brings me one that must tip the scales at 1 or so liters.
She settles down to an empty seat and I get after the work that I need to finish before we land. I’m about ½ way through my drink when it felt as if the plane hit a brick wall. She quivered and quaked and clutched at herself while I made some comments about the pilot’s mental health.
We dropped like a paralyzed falcon, then just as suddenly, felt like it was an express elevator to Angel’s 11. The plane bucked and shimmied, wickedly. Then we slam-danced right and fell a few more stories. It was like we were in a Mixmaster and the owner was trying out every speed.
The emergency lights in the 777-300ER popped on, and the fasten seat belt sign barked loudly so even sleeping travelers could enjoy the show.
Rinse. Spin. Shudder. Repeat.
Finally, the ride smooths out and we hear the captain on the blower.
“This is your captain speaking…ah, we seem to have hit some uncharted turbulence back there.”
“Thanks, Captain Obvious”, I muttered.
“Everything’s A-OK. “ he reports.
“That’s good”, I note.
“But…”
“There’s always the but…” I groan.
“…we have a couple of warning lights for which we can’t quite account. So to just be safe and certain, we’re going to divert to Hawaii, get a clean bill of health and resume this flight once we make sure everything here is hunky-dory.”
There were scattered groans and applause. Add them together and divide by two and the average response on the flight was “Meh. Whatever.”
Except for the other guy in Business, with whom I hadn’t shared two words. He began to absolutely lose his shit.
“Oh, man! We’re so screwed! Mechanical malfunction? What does that mean?” he positively fizzed with fear.
The flight attendants tried to calm him down, to no avail. They basically gave up and said they’d report his misgivings to the Captain.
I motioned over to my personal flight attendant, Luna, and asked if I could be of service.
“Oh, Doctor Rock”, she smiled at me, “If you could speak with him. You are so calm, and he is…”
“Losing his bloody mind”, I chuckled as I finished her sentence for her. “Of course, I’ll take a stab at it.”
So, I grab my drink and ease over to my Business Class partner and introduce myself.
“Hey, pal. How’s it going? I’m Dr. Rock, gentleman, scholar, and connoisseur of cigars and things alcoholic. You doing OK?”
He looks at me with an ashen face and his eyes the size of bloodshot dinner plates.
“Yeah. I’m Todd Schotts. I’m flying to Japan for business.” He mumbles
“No surprise there,” I reply calmly and take a slug of my drink.
“But now we’re all going to die. The plane is busted and we’ll crash…” he started off again.
“So, Todd is it? Good. You drink?” I asked.
“Yeah?”, he stammered back.
I asked Luna to make us a fresh batch of my eponymous cocktails.
“OK, Todd, listen up”, I began after the drinks were served, “I have flown literally millions of miles over the last 4 decades. On Aeroflot when it was still the USSR. On TACA (Take A Chance Airways), on Chalk’s in the Caribbean, on Bob’s Verrifast Plane Company in Rhodesia, on regional carriers that don’t even exist anymore. All over the world. Had some bad experiences flying, and me ol’ mugger, this ain’t one of them. This is nothing more than the glitch for this mission.”
I chuckled lightly and complimented Luna on a fantastic drink.
“Yeah…yeah…yeah…but we have to land and check out some lights…” Todd squealed.
“Well now, Todd. It would be rather difficult to do any external assessment while in flight, don’t you agree?” I asked.
“But we’re diverting. We have to land and that adds more risk. We’re going to crash and die!” he was coming more and more unglued.
“I will bet you every cent you have on your person and home bank accounts that that will not happen”, I chuckled.
That took him by surprise. At least it shut him up for a while.
“Look, Todd. This is Boeing’s latest model. They have the most incredible safety record. And if a little clear air turbulence were to be knocking planes out of the sky, don’t you think we’d hear about it as the press went berserk?” I asked.
“But they don’t know what the lights mean! What if one of the engines’s out? How far can we fly on one engine?” Todd stuttered.
Having my fill of a supposedly grown man with inane childlike fears, I calmly replied,
“All the way to the crash site.”
He went white.
“...hope we hit something hard. I don’t want to limp away from this.”
He went limp.
Then I went to my seat and motioned for Luna to prepare a reload.
Of course, 45 minutes later, we land without incident at Daniel K. Inouye International Airport, Honolulu Hawaii.
We were told to just wait around until they figure out what the problem if any, was.
They had officials waiting at the end of the jetway to check our COVID status and passports before they let us loose in the terminal.
I asked Luna if she knew this airport. She noted that she did.
“Is there a JAL hospitality room here at this airport? I asked.
“Yes, Doctor. It’s the Sakura Lounge. It is located on the third level above The Local, Terminal 2.” She replied.
“Please notify whoever needs to know that that’s where I’ll be for the duration”, I smiled and handed her my business card. “See you soon, I hope.”
“Oh, Dr. Rock”, she replied, “I am sure it is nothing much. We’ll be back in the air within mere hours.”
“Well then”, I smiled, “Guess I’d better get ready to hoof it to the lounge.”
“Oh, Doctor Rock”, she smiled, “No rush. I will call for you a courtesy cart. You are injured, you are Business, you are priority.”
“I love that Asian efficiency.” I smiled back and toddled down the jetway.
At the terminus of the jetway, I show my COVID-clear papers, dates and times of my Anti-Virus vaccine administrations, the letter from Virginia clearing me of all detention, and my red Russian diplomatic passport.
While in the cart, whizzing our way to the JAL lounge, the driver said “Man! You must be some kind of VIP. You were through that welcoming committee in less than two minutes!”
“Me? Nah!”, I chuckled, “Just an old phart of a geologist that they didn’t want to mess with. Not on such a bright, sunny day as this.”
“I see you’re not wearing a mask.” The driver quipped.
“Very observant. There are reasons for that.” I replied.
He careens around a corner and if this were a normal pre-Covid day, I’m certain we’d have killed hundreds. However, the airport, as I’ve come to grow accustomed to, was virtually deserted.
“Yeah? Like what?” he asks.
“Well, Scooter, 1. I have an active and hardworking immune system that I let off the chain every once in a while for exercise. Got to let it know what it’s up against, right? 2. I’ve had all my shots and some that were experimental. They seem to have worked. And 3. I find it difficult to drink and smoke cigars while wearing a mask. However, if you’d prefer, I will mask up. No problem, though it still is optional.”
“Nah, man”, he said, “I was just wondering if you were one of those religious idiots or conspiracy nuts.”
Nope”, I smiled back, “Just another geologist out in the world plying his trade for cash. Y’know, whorin’ around for money.”
He laughs aloud as we skid to a stop right in front of Lounge.
I slip the guy a $20 and ask if he’d listen for the JAL flight I was just on. If we’re going on ahead today, I’d need him to scoot by and putt-putt me back to the plane.
He laughs and pockets the $20 as quick as a mink ruts.
“No worries. I’ll just hang around this area. I hear anything about the flight, I’ll come and let you know.” He grins.
“Good man”, I say, as I hand him my card. “I’m Dr. Rocknocker. Call me Rock”.
“And I’m Kapula Mano, call me Kap” he replies.
“Good man”, I say again, “Hope to see you in a while.”
He grins, floors his electric cart, and peels out at speeds approaching 4.5 MPH.
I wander into the lounge, show my credentials, and am escorted to a post up on Mahogany Ridge.
The bar is very quiet. Besides the bartender, I can’t see anyone else in the darkened and Smooth Jazz-infused drinking emporium.
I order a local drink, a Mai Tai, just for the experience and something a bit different.
It’s served in a goldfish bowl on a stem, bedecked with a slice of lime, a sprig of mint, a stick of sugar cane, a polychromatic orchid, and the obligate paper umbrella.
“Ah. Mai Tai. I will enjoy it.” I said to no one in particular.
One was enough, and I decided to go back to the old standard. Once I explained to the bartender what that was, he made them heroic and enthusiastically.
I’m reading up on a random dossier, making notes in a new file, and puffing away on a Fuentes Onyx double Maduro Churchill cigar.
I hear a slight cough coming from my right, and this here lovely lady, she sat to my immediate starboard and looked at me semi-quizzically.
Not in the mood for shenanigans of any stripe, I give her the obligate Baja Canada nod and tilt of the drink. I return to my dossiers and continue to read and take notes.
“Excuse me!” I hear.
Fearing the worst, either the woman is Karen-oid anti-smoking or a religious fruit-and-nutburger, I slowly turn to face her and reply, somewhat glacially, I have to admit.
“What?”
“That cigar…”
“Here we go…” I mutter, eyes rolling northward.
“Smells exquisite. Could you tell me the brand? My husband would enjoy some like that.” She notes.
Instantly my demeanor switches 180^0.
“Yes, ma’am. It’s an Arturo Fuentes Onyx. Churchill size, or 60 ring x 7” length, double Maduro. Here, take one for your husband. I have an ample supply.” I smile.
“Oh, no. I couldn’t. Could I?” she asks.
“Please. I insist.” I smile the best I could given the circumstances.
“Thank you. You’re too kind…umm…Mr….?”
“Doctor. Doctor Rocknocker. World traveler, oilman, and international ambassador of amity, good drinks, and fine cigars. Call me Rock” I said.
“Oh! A Doctor?” she brightens.
“Yes, of Petroleum Geology and Engineering. Not medicine.” I chuckle.
She chuckles back.
“And I am Hella Aaberg”, as she offers her hand for a quick shake.
“Interesting name, Hella. Scandinavian or Old German heritage?” I ask.
“On my father’s side. He’s Finnish.” She replies.
“But I’ll wager your mother is not Scandinavian, correct?” I ask.
“She was from Truk, an island…”
“In the South Pacific, Micronesia. Was she from Weno city?” I asked.
“Why yes. How could you possibly know that?” she asked.
“Oh, I’ve been there. Great diving amongst the WWII wrecks. I think it’s actually called ‘Chuuk Lagoon’ or something like that now.” I said.
“That’s right! Amazing. Where else have you been?” she asked.
“Anywhere there’s oil, strife, booze, cigars, heavy explosives and typically long distances from whatever most normal people call civilization,” I replied with a chuckle.
Suddenly, I hear a voice booming out behind me.
“Why don’t you save that rapier-like wit for those musky-fuckers back home, Rocko?”
My expression changes. My eyes pop fully wide open.
“Hella?” I asked.
“Yes?”
“May I ask you a favor?”
“You can ask…”
“Thank you. Now, looking over my shoulder, is there a hulking goon of a person, thin up top, paunchy halfway down with the most ridiculously tiny sized shoes you’ve ever seen for a so-called grown man?” I ask.
“Yes. Yes, there is.” She replies.
“I thought so. Many thanks.”
I spin and launch off my barstool and grab Toivo by the hand. He hadn’t seen my left-hand Thagomizer yet.
“Toivo! You old sumbitch. What the flying fennec fox fuck are you, of all people, doing in Hawaii?” I laughed.
“Just keeping an eye on you, Rock!” he laughed equally as loud.
“No, fucking-A, seriously. What the actual fuck? What are you doing in this actual nice place?” I asked.
“Just headed to Tokyo to conduct a bit of service company business. I walked into the lounge and smelled a foul cigar. I figured it can’t be the venerable Dr. Rocknocker. He’s back at some school up north terrorizing geology and engineering grads and undergrads.” Toivo laughed.
“But there I was. Surprise!”, I laughed and pumped his hand.
“What the fuck, Rock. Now what did you do?” he asks, referring to my Ankylosaur tail club left hand.
“Ah, fuck. Long story. Oh, pardon me. Toivo, this is Hella. We were just talking about the South Seas Islands.” I said.
“Planning on running off together?” Toivo laughs, to the amusement of neither party.
“Oh, and this idiot is Toivo, a man with a congenital foot-in-mouth disorder. He’s mostly harmless.” I noted to Hella.
Greetings were shared all around. Hella made some small excuses and said she needed to depart. I gave her another cigar for her husband, shook her hand, and wished her well.
“Here’s my business card. If your husband has any questions, have him drop me a line.” I noted.
Hella smiled beautifully. She said she would. Then she thanked me shook our hands, and like that, there she was, gone.
“Well Toivo, you old bastard. Don't just stand there in the doorway like some lonesome goddamn mouse shit sheepherder, get your ass over here and have a drink.” I motioned over to my perch on Mahogany Ridge.
“Don’t mind if I do”, he says as he deftly winds his way to a seat to my left, snagging a cigar out of my pocket on the way over.
“You might want these”, I say in an exasperated tone, and hand him my gold Dunhill Hobnail lighter and V-cutter gizmo.
He cuts and fires up his heater.
“What you drinkin’, Rock”, he asks.
“Anything with alcohol, as usual. You know that Toiv.” I reply.
“No. I mean right now.” He clarifies.
“Well, I had a Mai Tai. Very nice if you like fruity, flowery drinks. It’s the locals’ favorite.” I reply.
“Sounds good. I’ll have several. And you?” Toivo asks.
“My usual. The bartender is already apprised of the situation.” I reply.
Toivo smiles the smile of one knowing his sobriety is going to be taken out for a swim. Hell, taken out and tossed into the deep end.
Toivo and I sit there, swapping lies, smoking cigars and sipping at our toddies.
Hell, Toivo was slurping them like a sump-pump during an extra-wet summer.
We chattered about family, work, whether or not Tokyo was going to host the Olympics or if the COVID-boogie man scared everyone off.
Toivo, always one afflicted with TB (“Tiny Bladder”) got up to go to the loo for the third time that hour. He left his pocket organizer on the bar and I swear on a stack of Origins of Species, I didn’t touch it.
I reached over to his vacated seat to retrieve my cigar lighter when I looked down and saw in his organizer a tab that reads “Rack & Ruin”.
“Oh. No. Fucking. Way.” I recoiled as I’d just reached out and petted a 6-foot hungover scorpion.
“One of my best friends? Secretly allied with the Agency? No. Not possible.” I drained my drink and called for another.
“No. No. No. It can’t be. No. No fucking way…” as doubt began to dissolve when I thought back to all those times I had just ‘run into’ Toivo.
“But he’s oil patch as well. That could be chalked up to coincidence.” I ruminated quizzically in my brain.
I quickly reflected back on J.M. Darhower: “Yes, you see, there’s no such thing as coincidence. There are no accidents in life. Everything that happens is the result of a calculated move that leads us to where we are.”
She may be the author of the execrable New Adult Sempre series, which Esme likes and I loathe, but she might just be right on this occasion.
Toivo return, lighter in the bladder and good sense. He never even noticed he’d left his organizer out in broad bar light for all to see.
“So, Toivo, when’s your flight?” I ask.
“Oh, man. Was I lucky. The JAL flight to Tokyo from Los Angeles had mechanical trouble and had to divert here. I got a ticket on the plane for that flight, when it continues.
“You mean ‘if it continues’,” I replied.
“Yeah. Yeah. That’s what I meant. Hey! Was that your flight?” he asks innocently. He’s really innocent of fieldcraft.
I decide to have some fun at my old friend’s expense.
“Yep. Hit some CAT (Clear Air Turbulence) and the JAL pilots reported some lighting problem. No apparent ruin to any of the systems. They relay racked their brains to figure it out, but they couldn’t that’s why I here.” I said, waiting for the words to swim upstream in Toivo’s coconut and make some sort of connection.
“Yeah. Double lucky. No problem with the plane and I get to go to Japan early.” Toivo crookedly grins.
“So, no trouble with the plane? Then why haven’t I heard that the flight’s going to resume?” I asked as I pushed a fresh, seriously strong drink to Toivo.
“Oh, must have heard it in the john.” Toivo countered and tried to cover his tracks by taking a huge gulp of his drink and damn near dying coughing.
I pound on Toivo’s back.
“Heimlich time?” I ask.
Toivo signals ‘no’.
“Jesus Christ, Rock. What was that?” he asks.
“Just my usual”, I innocently replied.
“Holy fuck. No wonder you have the reputation of…” Toivo realizes too late that he’s said too much.
“Yeah. They can rack you out. Really ruin a person if they’re not careful.” I reply icily.
“Why, Rock. Whatever do you mean?” Toivo slurred as he realized he’s been caught out.
“The jig is up, you turncoat. You know Agents Rack and Ruin from the agency. Right? You keeping tabs on me for them? You Quisling! You Benedict Arnold!” I almost was on the verge of losing my cool.
“It was nothing. They approached me years ago as I kept being mentioned in your reports. They asked me for some information. One thing leads to another…” Toivo was ready for an Ankylosaur tail club swat to the bean.
“Oh, put your fucking hands down, you asshole.” I smiled and chuckled.
“You’re not mad?” Toivo slurred badly. I had the bartender make him another special drink.
“No, Toivo. Not mad. Just disappointed.” I said, smiling like a Komodo Dragon just finishing up a fortnight-old wildebeest.
Toivo sat there and puzzled and puzzled until his puzzler was sore.
“You’re not going to kill me or anything rude like that?” Toivo asked, half-assedly trying to inject humor into the proceedings.
“Nah. The paperwork’s too ridiculous for me to do another liberation. But, Jesus Fucking Christwagons, Toivo; you could have mentioned it to me. Fuck, I thought we were friends to the end?” I said, dejectedly.
I was really getting through to Toivo. I could tell he was loaded; feeling like shit and massively deplorable.
Great fieldcraft, indeed.
I told him things “are what they are” and that I won’t blow his cover nor his honorarium.
He began to feel better. I often wonder if he was serious about the sanctioning thing.
Then I delivered the strategic missile strike.
“Just remember, Toivo. I wrote your dossier for the Company…”
He swivels to look at me.
“And one for the KGB. Olga says ‘howdy’.” I grin evilly.
Toivo short-circuited at that. Russia is his company’s bread and butter. Now he has the KGB as well as his best buddy looking over his shoulder at every move.
I bought him a few more drinks and continued to needle him about his ’leading a double life’. He was well and truly fuckered when the electric tap-tap driver from before came looking for me to whisk me back to the plane.
Seems it was simply some knocked-out wires on the plane, or slammed bulbs that were generating a false positive, indicating something other than the system that alerts one to something haywire went haywire.
Toivo was pretty much down for the count. I got him sober enough to hand them his ticket and ensure that he was really supposed to be on this flight. Thing was; h e was in Economy, and I was, as always, in Business.
I spoke to Luna, and the plane was going to be even less crowded than previously because some folks could or wouldn’t wait, or didn’t want to go on with the rest of the trip on a ‘damaged’ aircraft, or were just stupid and superstitious.
“Luna, could I pay for the difference between Business and Economy for my less than 100% conscious friend here? He’s had a rough day.” I asked.
“Dr. Rock. Just put him into Business. No one will be the wiser. Luna says so.” As she gave us a grand smile.
“Luna, I owe you. Thanks so much.” I said.
“Now get on board. Your friend looks like he needs all the downtime he can get.”
“Yes, ma’am!” I said and saluted here be best I could which dragging a schnozzled Toivo down the jetway.
I dumped Toivo in a window seat well away from my seat. I know Toivo. He snores like a semi-load of live hogs rocketing downhill locking up the brakes at 88 MPH.
Surprise! There was no one else in Business. Luna looked at me, at Toivo, and gave me a thumbs up.
Whatever I can write to further her career at JAL, she’ll have it before I deplane.
We finally get everyone settled, and with Captain Kangaroo at the helm, we bounced gracelessly off the tarmac, into the warm, tropical Hawaiian air, finally headed for the Land of the Rising Sun.
Toivo was snoring like a chainsaw hitting rusty nails as I worked on the various letters, communiques, and dossiers which needed updating before we reached touchdown. I gave Luna a thick letter with instructions not to open it until we were on the ground and Toivo and I were well off and away into the terminal.
We left Hawaii at 1300 hours, so we should arrive at Tokyo Nareda around 4:00 pm, the previous day. I was so bereft of time and time zones, I couldn’t figure out what time it really was, as judged by my biometric rhythms, so I asked Luna for a stiff drink as I was kicking off my boots and going to attempt to get some kip.
She brought me another liter or so eponymous drink. I was sawing logs by the time I slurped the last swig of that nifty drink.
Suddenly, or later, I have no idea really, some loudmouth drunk asshole from way-the-fuck-back in economy-land toward the ass end of the plane staggered into Business demanding free drinks.
Luna was nothing but civil, and asked him to both shut up and return to his seat. His air cabin hostess, or whatever the fuck they’re calling them these days, will attend to his needs.
“Naw they won’t! They want me to pay for more drinks! I’m broke but I demand more booze! You fucking owe me.” railed the asshole. “I sat at the bar in Hawaii for four hours. Them fuckers charged me an arm and a leg!”
“No, they don’t owe you shit”, I said in a voice that unmistakably loud and clear.
“Fuck you, old man! You stay the fuck out of this!” he bellowed. “Shut up or I’ll do ya’!”
“’Old man’? ‘Do me’? Excuse me. Luna, may I have a word alone with this individual?” I asked sweetly.
Luna shook her head in the affirmative, and I stood up to confront this flagrant asshole.
“Now look, Scooter. You have gone way, way over the fucking line. You are loud. You are abusive. You are obnoxious. And you stink. Plus you insulted a person who is just barely containing his righteous wrath right now. So, I’m giving you one and one only chance to shut up, sit back down before your body spontaneously develops all sort of bruises, contusions, broken bones, and unconsciousness.” I said calmly, evenly, and threateningly.
“What da’ fuck you think you’re going to do…old man?” he screeched, trying to inflate himself into full mammalian threat posture, all 5’ 9” of it.
He didn’t notice Toivo walking up quietly behind him, as Toivo was returning from the head, quiet as a moose.
“Well, Scooter, I am an Air Marshall. Duly appointed, fully trained, and properly pissed off. Right now, I can arrest you, physically detain you, turn this flight around and take you to the Hawaiian police, at your cost for the inconvenience of the entire flight. Or I could arrest you, physically detain you, and turn you over to the Japanese authorities when we land. It’s really your choice. Choose wisely.”
To be continued…⇝

Let's get back into Labyrinth Cup, continued from Part I....
DEWGONG
Ice Shardᴸ | Icy Windᴸ & Blizzard
The rankings almost everyone you check are wrong. Not in saying that Dewgong is good, because that's undeniable. But wrong in what second move to run, because they all say to go with Water Pulse for coverage, but don't do it. The move you actually want alongside Icy Wind provides no coverage, but is flat out better anyway: Blizzard. Only with Blizzard does Dewgong have the power to beat Snorlax in 1v1 shielding, Skarmory in 0v0 shields, and Abomasnow and WP Dewgong in both. There is not a single win that Water Pulse adds to the equation that Blizzard doesn't win anyway in either of those shielding scenarios. Pulse is a BAD move and does not let Dewgong sneak in new wins against Fires or anything else unless the opponent just screws up. For my money, give me the bigger surprise of Blizzard than the Water Pulse they probably expect... because everyone said it's better without looking at the actual numbers. Dig deeper, look harder, and make what this writer believes is the right choice.
SHADOW SEALEO
Powder Snow | Body Slam & Water Pulse
Shadow Sealeo is about to arrive in the game, and while the non Shadow one lags behind Lapras and Dewgong, Shadow Sealeo stands tall with them. Just comparing it side by side with Dewgong, S-Sealeo is able to beat Ninetales, Sunny Castform, and Alolan Marowak with the same lousy Water Pulse that I discouraged using on Dewgong--it works okay here because of the fast charging Powder Snow--and also outraces Venusaur thanks to speedy Body Slams, none of which Dewgong can normally defeat. Gong DOES beat Skarmory, Abomasnow, Mandibuzz, and Snorlax, unlike Sealeo, so they're on pretty equal footing... but just the fact that Shadow Sealeo DOES stand pretty level with Dewgong is pretty amazing.
ABOMASNOW
Powder Snow | Weather Ball (Ice) & Energy Ball
Oh yes, it still does plenty of good here. And to compare with Shadow Aboma, Shadow is uniquely capable of beating Lapras and Toxicroak, but regular Aboma is overall better with its own wins versus Dewgong, Sableye, Clefable, and Shadow Gardevoir. Either way, Abomasnow is an Ice that worries Waters, and a Grass that terrifies Flyers, to put its role(s) as succinctly as possible. My concern is just that, though: It's an Ice AND a Grass, keeping you from using any other Pokémon of those types on your team. Maybe that's not an issue, but it certainly could be for others. The "YOLO" is strong with this one.
GRASSHOLES
Razor Leaf | Various
There's no escaping them now: despite even being recently nerfed, you can expect Razor Leafers to show up wherever they're allowed. If you don't care about leaving room for another Poison type on your team, that probably means big bad bully VICTREEBEL or slightly bulkier VILEPLUME, who shred the things you'd expect (basically anything Water, Ground, or Rock, plus Charmers, Sable, and Vigoroth/Obstagoon). If Poison IS a concern, then yes, you can run mono-Grasses like Shadow BELLOSSOM or even Cherrim with Razor Leaf, but they're generally both much more interesting with Bullet Seed.
HAUNTEGENGAR
Shadow Claw | Shadow Punchᴸ & Sludge Bomb/Shadow Ball
So here I go again recommending Sludge Bomb as the second move. Yes, part of it is Wigglytuff, which Bomb beats and Shadow Ball loses to, but there's more than that. Gengar with Bomb also needs it to outrace Ninetales, as the five extra energy Ball costs is just a bridge too far, though it's worth noting that it needs Ball to beat Skarmory and Lanturn. Haunter is even more apparent in Bomb's favor, as with Bomb, Haunter beats Wiggly, as mentioned, and then outraces Ninetales and Rainy AND Sunny Castform thanks to the comparative speed of Bomb as compared to Shadow Ball, which instead beats Poison-resistant Steels Registeel and Skarmory. Got all that? If not, just remember: Shadow Ball good against Steel, but Sludge Bomb just as viable--and arguably better--against the wider field. Do keep in mind they're both Ghost AND Poison types, so plan around that accordingly.
ALOLAN MAROWAK
Fire Spin | Bone Club & Shadow Boneᴸ/Shadow Ball
Ah, here he is. You knew A-Wak was going to be popping up SOMEtime. It remains its normal, tricky self in the Labyrinth, tormenting a variety of Grasses, Steels, Fighters (not you, Obstagoon), Fairies, Electrics, and fellow Fires. Basically, just avoid it getting wet (Water), buried (Ground), or left in the Dark and it will usually come out the victor on the other side. [Shadow Ball] is still a viable alternative for those gun shy with Shadow Bone after its recent nerf, but they both perform about the same (with Bone beating Lapras, and Ball winning the mirror). I would not recommend those Hex/Fire Blast variants though... I think you really want Fire Spin here, as there's quite a bit for it to burn through. Yes, A-Wak eats up a Fire and Ghost slot, but performs so well in both roles that you really won't miss not being able to double up anyway.
JELLICENT
Hex/Bubble | Shadow Ball & Bubble Beam/Ice Beam
So as I talked about in my recent, more extensive spotlight on JellyBelly, there are options when it comes to the moves. While the best overall in simulations is Hex/Bubble Beam/Shadow Ball, nailing a wide swath of the field but being weaker than you'd like against Fires, Grounds, and of course, especially anything part Normal (and therefore double resistant to Ghost damage). Bubble rectifies much of that but now opens it up to losses to Waters and a weaker performance overall. And while sets with Ice Beam seem viable enough, there are still plenty of holes left unpatched with it in the equation as well. It is entirely possible we still won't see a lot of Jellicent this early after its long-delayed release, but those that do appear could be a nightmare to maneuver around until its moves become more apparent. Perhaps you'll be using that to your own advantage, fellow player?
TENTACRUEL
Poison Jab | Acid Spray & Hydro Pump
Tentacruel isn't my own personal playstyle, what with its Sprayin' n' Prayin' ways, but a lot of people do like that, so here ya go. Tentacthulhu is just fine, and Poison is perhaps an easier thing to free up than the Ice or other types that many Waters are saddled with.
And now let's transition to some mono-types that may be on the rise in this meta....
SEAKING
Poison Jabᴸ | Icy Windᴸ & Drill Runᴸ
Now HERE is a watery Poison Jabber I can get behind! The King may not have a wide breadth of wins, but it's a very unique mix of big names, with the Fairies thanks to Jab, Fires and Icy Waters thanks to Seaking's resistances and neutral (at worse) damage it throws back, Zweilous and Mandibuzz and even Tropius (and with good PvP IVs, Abomasnow too thanks to Icy Wind, and even Registeel thanks to Drill Run (it has time to get in THREE for the win thanks to resisting Flash Cannon). Seaking requires potentially as many as three Elite TMs to build, and I would not recommend running one out there in a tournament without some practice time logged, as it requires special handling and familiar with its oddball moveset to work properly. But this writer has found it amazingly useful in GBL and elsewhere, performing better than sims show in a support role for your team, softening things up for its teammates in ways precious few 'mons can. I give it a hearty thumbs up for Labyrinth Cup, seemingly one of the better metas yet for it to make an indelible mark.
GALVANTULA
Volt Switch | Lunge & Discharge
The first place people tend to look now when considering an Electric type, and it's easy to see why. Galv was always a little underrated even before it recieved Lunge, but since then it hums along very, very nicely as a solid Electric that can also flip the script on things like Venusaur, Whiscash, Abomasnow, and Zweilous, matchups that most Electrics are left flailing in but Galvantula goes out and just snatches the win away. The downside is that it is opened up to scary vulnerabilities to Fire and Rock, both of which you'll be seeing throughout this format, and using it obviously means no other Bugs either (or Electrics, of course).
MAGNEZONE
Spark | Mirror Shot & Wild Charge
Yep, it's still good, but also yes, just as baity as ever. Magnezone is something you've either played with and liked, or played against and detested with every fiber of your being, and very few players fall somewhere in between at this point. A solid Electric that also dunks on Fairies, Ices, and even many Grasses, but requires experienced piloting to function at peak potential. If that describes you, then yes, you can roll it or its Shadow version out there. Just keep in mind the Steel typings in particular you're denying a spot elsewhere on your team in the process.
PROBOPASS
Any | ...and, uh, Any
No Bastiodon means a chance for Probopass to shine out a bit. The good news is that you can trick it out in basically ANY moveset configuration and get about the same performance out of it. Seriously, I'm just picking one out of a hat and coming up with the same basic results you'll see with multiple other combos. I'll just point out that it needs Spark and Thunderbolt to reliably beat Jellicent, and Rock Throw to guarantee (Kanto) Ninetales.
CRADILY
Bullet Seed | Stone Edge & Grass Knot
A steadily emerging fan favorite, now we have a new variety of Cradily to play with thanks to the arrival of Shadow Cradily. It's not that regular Cradilydily is suddenly bad, because it isn't at all, it's just that Shadow--at least in this meta--is just a bit better, with some eye opening new wins like Alolan Marowak, Drifblim, Kanto Ninetales, Sableye, and Tropius... though as always, there is a cost, with Alolan Ninetales, Abomasnow, and Gardevoir beating Shadow but losing to regular Dilly. But whether you pick a Cradily bud that is light or dark (haha, see what I did there? 🍻), it provides a unique threat with a secondary typing of Rock that is easy enough to build around without doubling up.
And now, a run through some mono-type standouts....
KANTO NINETALES
Fire Spin | Weather Ball (Fire) & Solar Beam/Overheat
So the biggest homerun potential is with Overheat, which shows a crazy high win rate. And only with Overheat does Ninetales typically burn down things like Sableye, Drifblim, Alolan Ninetales, and Vigoroth/Obstagoon. But the more exciting play--and the only move with real coverage potential--is Solar Beam. It doesn't really show its true potential in sims, but I don't think I need to throw a bunch in front of you to know what getting one through against an opposing Water, Ground, or Rock type that thinks they have this one in the bag can do, not just to your winning chances but to the opponent's psyche as well. If nothing else, the very threat of Beam will steal away shields no Fire type has any right to steal. But even without those mind games, even if you stick with JUST Weather Ball, Ninetales does a fine, fine job. And remember that, unlike GBL, in The Silph Arena you CAN play both Ninetales if you want to!
LICKITUNG
Lick | Body Slamᴸ & Grass Knot
Your general, non-XL Lickitung? Not that great here. I mean, it's all right, but nothing particularly special. What you really want is one pushed beyond Level 40. Even just going to Level 40.5 you can already pick up close wins over Stunfisk and Skarmory and a BIG win over Dewgong. At Level 43.5 it can beat Wigglytuff and Ninetales. Beyond that you need to push to Level 46 (for a win over Lapras) and the sky is kind of the limit as you reach Level 50, but honestly that would be REALLY hard to get even close to at this point, so perhaps shoot for the realistic Level 43.5 range and be satisfied with that. Not bad at all for a regular old Normal type.
MACHOKE
Karate Chop | Dynamic Punch & Cross Chopᴸ/Brick Break
No Machamp, no problem? Oh, whoops, that doesn't look so hot, does it? What I meant to link to was this. Shadow Machoke is strictly better than non-Shadow, adding on wins versus Ninetales, Sunny Castform, Stunfisk, Skarmory, and even noted Fighting killer Toxicroak, all without giving up any (and actually mostly improving upon) wins that regular Machoke achieves. Not sure if you want to shell out for one, but if you're looking for a very spicy and fun Fighting pick, Shadow Choke seems like a great choice to try out this month. And if you are (understandably) reluctant to Elite TM it for Cross Chop, you CAN run it with currently available Brick Break and, at least on paper, not give up much at all (just the Stunfisk win).
PERRSERKER & ZANGOOSE
Shadow Claw | Close Combat & Foul Play/Night Slash
One is a mono Steel, the other a normal... well, Normal, but they both perform very similarly. Perrserker is slightly better, at least on paper, but the truth is that both it and Goose have their own relatively equal pros and cons. While both are equally adept at taking down things like Lapras, Drifblim, and Zweilous, their typings greatly influence their other wins, with Perrserker's Steel resisting Fairy, Flying, Grass, and Ice damage and leading to wins over all the Charmers (and PowderTails), Dewgong, Venusaur, and Tropius, while Goose double resists Ghost and beats Jellicent, Sableye, and Alolan Marowak, and its higher Attack also leads to wins against Galvantula, Melmetal, Mandibuzz, Registeel, and even Obstagoon. Neither have blow-the-doors-off numbers, but they are nice wild cards that can fill out the back end of a team, especially if you're feeling adventurous.
And while I cheated and already talked about POLITOED up in the 10ks, just a reminder: it's actually a 50k mono mon and a really good one too.

75,000 Dust/75 Candy

Alright, this article is running looooooooong, so let's try and get through these expensive options in perhaps a slightly less verbose manner....
LAPRAS
Ice Shardᴸ/Water Gun | Surf & Ice Beamᴸ/Skull Bash
You probably think there isn't much you don't already know here, but ol' Lappie still has a few tricks up her... uh, flippers. For example, this may be an environment that better favors old standby Ice Beam over new hotness Skull Bash, with Bash more reliably beating Wigglytuff, but Ice Beam better against Venusaur and Toxicroak. Perhaps even more surprising? This may be a meta that is more favorable to Water Gun. While it misses out on the extra Ice damage of Ice Shard by now losing to Mandibuzz and Venusaur, and falls short against Toxicroak even with the same charge moves that Ice Shard Lapras used to overcome it, Water Gun Lappie adds Wigglytuff back to the win column, as well as tacking on new wins against Sableye, Registeel, and now beats all Fire types but Victini (it lost to several before, including Ninetales, A-Wak, and Castform). That's good news for those low on Elite TMs!
GLIGAR
Wing Attack | Night Slash & Return
The moveset is pretty easy here, despite the variety of configurations you can trick out your Gligar with, because Wing Attack/Night Slash/Return does the most good things, taking out the scary Fighters (and quasi-Fighters), plus the big Fires, Fairies, Electrics, and bonuses like Diggersby, Venusaur, Tropius, and Melmetal. The only bad thing is the cost of the second charge move, though at least with this being a purified Gligar it's a little cheaper.
GLISCOR
Wing Attack | Night Slash & Earthquake
Not QUITE so set on the moves here. I mean, the charge moves are pretty easy to determine, but both fast moves have merit. Wing Attack can manage to beat Wigglytuff and Clefable, while Fury Cutter instead beats Dark types Sableye and Zweilous. Either way, the Glisboys again both look like viable options... but I don't think this is a meta where you particularly want the Shadow kind.
STUNFISK
Thunder Shock/Mud Shot | Mud Bomb & Discharge
Another chance for it to shine without that other Stunfisk around, and shine it does. You probably don't need me or anyone else to tell you that FIsky easily handles Flyers and Steels and Fires, but did you know it also tends to beat Galvantula and Clefable, and Toxicroak and Jellicent, and even Sableye and Snorlax? Because it can do all of that and more. Avoid Grass and heavy Water damage, and there is little else that Stunfisk cannot at least batter and bruise. (Mmmmm... battered fish.... 🤤 oh, sorry! Writing this at dinner time.)
TROPIUS
Air Slash | Leaf Blade & Aerial Ace
One of very few Flyers Stunfisk does NOT beat thanks to being half Grass, and as always, Trop takes full advantage of both of its typings to cover a unique set of wins. Yep, it is most definitely viable in this meta. Expect to see it pop up here and there, and have a plan.
FORRETRESS
Bug Bite | Mirror Shot & Earthquake
As per usual, Forret is often forgotten. Also as per usual, that's a mistake. Forret has spun victories for Silph world champions... might it do the same for you? Fairies hate it, Grasses fear it, Ices flee from it, even Darks and Electrics want to steer clear of it. The number of Steely Bugs has grown more and more over time in GO, but Forret remains one of the very best in PvP and I think is a legit option in the Labyrinth.
SKARMORY
Air Slash | Sky Attack & Brave Bird
NOT often forgotten is the Steely Bird, which is also unsurprisingly solid here too, if not particularly exciting. If you're looking for excitement, then Shadow Skarm may be your ticket. While it loses to Drifblim and Sableye, it gains wins over Dewgong, Diggersby, Obstagoon, Zweilous, Jellicent, and Rainy Castform.
MAWILE
Fire Fang | Power-Up Punch & Play Rough
Good news: the very expensive Shadow Mawile is not really any better--and arguably worse--than regular Mawile. (Shadow uniquely beats Lapras and sometimes Obstagoon, but regular beats the Charmers and Dewgong.) But the potential bad news is that, in a meta like this, using Steel and Fairy in one slot is perhaps more detriment than help. Mawile could be a little tricky to build around, but seems worth a shot for those willing to try.
ZWEILOUS
Dragon Breath | Body Slam & Dark Pulse
Well the Dragon side should not be a problem to work around (with just possible exception we'll glance at in a minute), so this is basically just eating up your Dark slot. Is it worth it? Obviously that's a question only YOU can answer, but it certainly does good work. While there's not much Zweil can do against Fairies or Fighters or most Ice types, and most Steels blunt it enough to hand on for wins, it goes out and takes the fight to just about everything else. Note that #1 PvP IVs misses a couple important Dragon Breath breakpoints (like against Tropius) that actually make it slightly less ideal than more "average" IVs here. Check the performance of your own Zweilous on PvPoke before rushing in headlong to see what close matchups swing one way or the other.
MANDIBUZZ
Snarl | Aerial Ace & Shadow Ball
Well it's not dominant--too many Fairies and Ices and Electrics and even Fighters around for that--but it IS still quite good. You can't double up with Obstagoon or the myriad of other Darks, but Mandi certainly does enough to earn a spot as your only Flyer, and there are plenty of ways to build a solid team without having to dip in to other Darks. If you have a good PvP one you want to flex, there are certainly worse ways to start building your Labyrinth team.
DRIFBLIM
Hex | Icy Wind & Shadow Ball
Even less dominant is Drifblim. I've mentioned it many times throughout the article, as it's identified as part of the core meta on PvPoke, likely due to how thoroughly it domimates the big Fighters and quasi-Fighters, and it does do that VERY well. But beyond that... it's a little disappointing, to tell the truth. Not without merit--nothing that crushes Fighters so convincingly in this meta could be called that--but more of a role player than something you necessarily build around.
And again, as we conclude the dual-types I wanted to cover, it is now time to take a glance at some mono-type 75k standouts:
CASTFORMS
RAINY: Water Gun | Weather Ball (Water) & Thunder
SUNNY: Ember | Weather Ball (Fire) & Solar Beam
SNOWY: Powder Snow | Weather Ball (Ice) & Blizzard
Grouping them together even though they obviously have wildly different roles, because they all live and die by Weather Ball. Rainy uses it to dominate Fires and Grounds and many others like Regi and Croak and Whiscash, and then finishes many of its fellow Water types with Thunder. Sunny uses Weather Ball to roast Grasses and Steels and Fairies and Ices while carrying the big stick of Solar Beam that can flip matches on their head in an instant. Snowy has no coverage move (why is that, Niantic?) but goes out and puts in a rock solid performance anyway. You probably have a good sense on all three of these little guys by now, so while there isn't much more to teach (or write!) about them, make sure you also do not forget about them. Expect to see more than a couple throughout the Labyrinth.
VIGOROTH
Counter | Body Slam & Bulldoze
I've talked about it enough... now let's look at the numbers. Not meta-defining, no, but an extremely solid build-around piece with a typing you are likely to miss doubling up on far less than most other types, at least not when you consider all the things Viggy handles, from Darks to Steels to Ices to Fires to Normals to Grounds and back again. That all being said, Vigoroth is not without its faults: despite not being weak to them like most true Fighters are, Charmers and Flyers and Ghosts still present a problem that is difficult for Viggy to overcome. But for all the good it CAN do and the ease you will likely find in squeezing in on to the majority of teams, Vigoroth is a top meta option. Do not let its lateness in the article make you think anything else!
SUDOWOODO
Counter | Rock Slide & Earthquake
Vigoroth and Obstagoon have been heralded as top replacements for traditional Fighters in this meta, but I have not seen anybody hyping up Sudowoodo. It's better than you might expect. Yes yes, it has to avoid other Fighters (though really, so do Viggy and Goon), as well as Waters, Grasses, Grounds... yeah, doesn't sound too promising. But somehow Sudo makes it work anyway, mostly because it distinguishes itself versus Fires and Flyers and hangs on to defeat the Charmers and Galvantula, all usually big problems for the other Counter users. If you're looking for some of the good Fighters can do without opening yourself wide to some of their more traditional, popular counters, Sudowoodo may be just right for you. And it has a typing that is very easy to free up too, one that can easily double up with another Fighter if you want to go that route.
SNORLAX
Lick | Body Slam & Superpower
Another case where non-Shadow is okay and Shadow just seems better. Regular Lax outbulks the assault of Obstagoon, Registeel, and Shadow Gardevoir, but Shadow Lax instead outraces Lapras, Stunfisk, Sableye, Rainy Castform, Venusaur, and Tropius and gets my thumbs up recommendation as a wild card/flex option at the back of your bench. As per usual, I think it's a pretty good safe swap option in particular.
DRAGONAIR
Dragon Breath | Aqua Tail & Dragon Pulse
You probaby don't want Dragonite here, but Dragonair looks like a nice safe option, either in regular (unique wins vs Galv, Registeel, JelliBelli, Snorlax, and Tropius)) or Shadow (wins vs Toxicroak, Mandibuzz, Melmetal, and Alolan Marowak)) variety. Other Dragons are practically non-existant, though you do need to keep a close eye out for Fairies and/or Ices. That's a decent list of threats, granted, but 'Nair can slip away from the vast majority of others and is beefy enough to soak up a goodly amount of (oft-resisted) damage along the way. With Aqua Tail it can operate pretty effectively in the Water role without actually being a Water, leaving room for some other teammate like Lapras/Dewgong or Tentacruel to do their thing more freely.

100,000 Dust/100 Candy

Finally, we've made it to the Legendaries! There is one in particular I want to cover with some detail, but the rest I'll follow with in bullet form so we can finally take this thing home and get our teams set!
REGIROCK
Lock-On | Stone Edge & Focus Blast
That's right... a non-Steel Regi. Hear me out, starting with what the sims say. Holy smokes, wins against nearly two thirds of the core meta? That may seem crazy until you consider what the core meta consists of. Regirock loses to the major Grasses, Grounds, and several Fighters and Waters, it's true. But even though it has far less resistances and nearly twice as many weaknesses as Registeel, Regirock's win percentage against the core meta is 20% higher. So what gives? It's rather simple, really: 1.) Regirock resists Fire, while Registeel is weak to it, and this meta has a fair share of good Fires, and 2.) Stone Edge comes 15 energy cheaper than Steel's Flash Cannon and for only 10 less listed damage (though it's even more than that since Rock has about 10 more Attack strength than Steel), and far less things want to take a big Rock move here than do a Steel move. Flash Cannon is resisted by Fire, Water, Electric AND Steel, all prevalent types in the Labyrinth, while Stone Edge is resisted only by Steel, Ground, and Fighting... and keep in mind that some of the better Fighters you might see are not actually Fighters. In a normal environment, there is usually enough around to make Registeel clearly better, but here, it may be time for another less celebrated Regi to have their big moment in the sun. I think the sims are legit, and Regirock will be too for those willing and able to welcome him to their team.

• Obviously, REGISTEEL is not bad, but it does seem to take a back seat to Regirock here overall. Smoke 'em if you got 'em, especially if you lack a halfway decent Great League sized Regirock. weakly raises own hand 🙋‍♂️ Just don't expect it to dominate like it can in open Great League play.
  
• I similarly recommended considering REGICE in Holiday Cup, so if you built one, yes, you can use it here. But it too takes a back seat to Regirock, who was tired of being locked in the trunk and is at the wheel this month.
  
• Mono type MELMETAL is a solid choice. In this meta, at least, it basically seems to be a better Registeel, conquering essentially the same things, but better. Despite its bulky frame, it IS notably frailer, however. Save a shield for it!
  
• There is a seeming lack of good Confusion users in this meta due to the ban list, but that just gives VICTINI some extra oomph. As you've likely seen throughout this crazy long article, Fire is hip again in this meta, and Victini along with it as a Fire that can take it to things like Toxicroak and Stunfisk too.
  
• The LEGENDARY BIRDS are viable, but not too thrilling. SHADOW ZAPDOS is probably the best of the best, with ARTICUNO close behind, but you are likely better served just sticking with land-based Electrics and Ices and leaving Flying free to occupy space elsewhere on your team. Zappy and Artie are fine, but nothing particularluy special here.
  
• Same story with LUGIA, really. It's a passable replacement for the banned Altaria, and Psychic is a typing you should have no real need to make room for elsewhere, so if you have one to flex, go for it. It does enough that nobody should make fun of you for that... and may not be properly prepared to face one down, either!
  

And there we go... only took about 75,000 characters! 😅 Hopefully this proves helpful in getting you going in Labyrinth Cup and the back half of this season of The Silph Arena. I do apologize it took SO long to get this out this door this time around... I like to leave you more time to prep than this, just couldn't be avoided this month with the funky format and ALL that needed writing about (and there are some I left out entirely still!) and real life obligations. Good luck!
Until next time, you can always find me on Twitter for near-daily PvP analysis nuggets, or Patreon. And please, feel free to comment here with your own thoughts or questions and I'll try to get back to you!
Thank you for reading! I sincerely hope this helps you find your way through the Labyrinth and reach the other side safe and sound. Best of luck, and catch you next time, Pokéfriends!

“You’re playing games on your phone right? Do you also play Candy Crush? I heard of that one guy who spent 100k on microtransactions lol.”. For PC gamers, mobile gaming is known for its casual games and greedy game design. Really, no one wants to trade a pc game for a mobile game when it comes to paying fair prices for ingame items. And they’re right. The story I’m about to tell you contains all of the darkest and most damned necromancy from the mobile gaming underworld, such as greedy microtransaction, unbalanced gameplay and blatantly obvious plagiarism, manifested in the form of a game called Mobile Legends. Right now, this game is in a war with Riot Games’ Wildrift, both communities fighting over which game to play. But how did we get there? In this write up, I’ll give you a rundown on the history of mobile mobas and how we ended up here, in this war.
​
Terms to know
Before I begin, I’ll explain a few crucial terms to understand this story to you.
MOBA (Multiplayer online battle arena) is a subgenre of strategy video games in which each player controls a single character called a champion with a set of unique abilities that improve over the course of a game and which contribute to the team's overall strategy. The ultimate objective is for each team to destroy their opponents' main structure, located at the opposite corner of the battlefield. (Quoted in parts from Wikipedia)
Skin is a change in appearance which can be equipped on a champion to make him look different. Very often they feature interesting thematics, eg. a medieval theme.
League of Legends, developed by Riot Games, is the single most popular Moba game on the Pc and is often abbreviated as LoL.
Moontoon The developer of Mobile Legends.
​
The Birth of Mobile Mobas
Let me introduce you to the godfather of mobile mobas, Vainglory. Released in 2014 by Super Evil Megacorp, short SEMC, it instantly set the standards of what top tier mobile gaming looks like. With Vainglory, SEMC caught lightning in a bottle. Vainglory was the first pc-quality moba on mobile devices and well recognized in the mobile gaming community. What Vainglory had to offer were the best graphics in the industry, a group of top tier developers from companies like Blizzard, and on top of everything a very fair monetization scheme - something of a novelty in mobile games, where shameless pay to win schemes are the norm.
Throughout 2015 to 2017 Vainglory saw incredible growth. Where mobas were almost nonexistent on mobile devices before, Vainglory blew up as it was frequently featured on the AppStore and was beloved by the players. It introduced lots of mobile gamers, who would otherwise never have played a moba, to the genre and created the moba genre for mobile devices. The players knew that SEMC were pouring their soul into forging a revolutionary game, which also stands in contrast to the utter greed which has established itself in mobile gaming. Fans paid for skins ingame not only because they loved the designs, but also because they genuinely wanted to support their developers. To this day, Vainglory is one of the all time fan favorites of mobile mobas.
Throughout 2015 and 2016 Vainglory had its golden age. But the tides were shifting. A storm was brewing and change was coming as a new competitor entered the scene…
​
LoL clones! LoL clones everywhere!
In late 2017, three years after Vainglory’s launch, with increasing momentum, a legion of fake LoL Mobas was emerging from dark corners of china. It’s demon leader was called Mobile Legends. To be exact: ‘Mobile Legends: Bang Bang’’. Let me explain how hundreds of LoL fakes successfully sprouted out of nowhere at that time: Vainglory was basically the option in the moba market when it came to mobile devices. But as more and more mobile gamers discovered mobas, they too wanted to be part of what a fully fledged Moba had to offer. They wanted more. And looking at what League of Legends, the most popular pc moba, had to offer, this meant a 5v5 map and gamemode, which Vainglory didn’t offer as it’s only 3v3. Not only that, but also these new Moba games used joystick controls compared to the tap controls Vainglory had to offer. Joystick controls were less precise but were far easier and more comfortable to use, and ultimately turned out to be the players favorite controls.
Besides a larger map and new control schemes, they also looked quite familiar to Riot Games League of Legends:
Map Comparison: LoL - Mobile Legends
The picture above shows League of Legends and Mobile Legends in direct comparison. Mobile Legends became popular, because LoL not available on mobile devices, and games like Mobile Legends openly copied, stole and plagiarised it’s map, champions and skins. It wasn’t even done in a disguised way: They used the similarities as their marketing. Here are some more comparisons juxtaposing the two games, try to look for similarities!
A playable character:
Champion Comparison: Garen
The Logo
Logo Comparison: LoL - Mobile Legends
Another ingame Screenshot:
Gameplay: LoL - Mobile Legends
A bigger 5v5 game mode, more comfortable controls and copying LoL for mobile devices meant that Mobile Legends & Co exploded in 2017 and the following weeks and months.
During that time, when Mobile Legends was soaking up players from everywhere, the beloved game which created mobas for mobile devices, Vainglory, lost more and more players as the devs failed to respond to the new 5v5 mobile moba market with a well made 5v5 mode in time.
With its success came big bucks for Mobile Legends developer MoonToon. But surely, a game with lower quality than the pc game which it's trying to mimic will certainly mean lower in-app prices for its skins, right? While it takes you 80 hours of grind to unlock one of a hundred champions, you can also pay around 10$. Skins are more complicated to obtain. While in mobas like Vainglory or LoL you can pay around 20$ for a legendary skin, which is the best you can get, in mobile legends legendary skins are obtained through spinning a magic wheel. The community roughly agrees that a legendary skin will set you back about 200$ each. Unlocking all champions without spending real money would cost you 8000 ingame hours actively playing the game. Even it’s own community and fans complain about unreasonably high prices and grind for ingame items, but their voices are drowned by the noise of the money machinery the ingame shop has become. Mobile Legends earned 116 Million$ in 2017, the first year of its growth and every single year after, their earnings increased even more.
With the former mobile moba champion Vainglory being defeated by Mobile Legends and the hordes of lol duplicates, there was no competition left. But of course these changes didn’t go unnoticed. Riot Games didn’t want to let copycats earn millions of dollars with rip offs of League of Legends for smartphones, so they wanted to end Mobile Legends.
​
A dark era for mobile mobas
In the same year as Mobile Legends release, in 2017, Riot Games found out what Moontoon was doing to its franchise on mobile devices and decided they had enough. They filed a lawsuit over 40 pages, demonstrating how Mobile Legends and other game developers stole their game. The lawsuit hit the Mobile Legends community with a bang: At the time, players were discussing if this meant the death of Mobile Legends, but it was also unclear how effective a lawsuit against a chinese company would be.
Time passed and no update was given, when one year later, in 2018, it was announced that Riot Games won the lawsuit and were awarded $2.9M. It was a huge victory and meant that Mobile Legends had finally received a charge for its plagiarism. And it looks like Mobile Legends will stop copying after losing in court against Riot Games, as their doings were declared illegal, right?
In the same year and throughout 2019 Mobile Legends grew in popularity and revenue as it pumped out and waves of new content. They changed up their strategy slightly, copying less obvious, but it was still clear to everyone which game they're mimicking. The truth is, even though they were hit with a $2.9M lawsuit, there still was no actual competitor in the market who could threaten Mobile Legends, it was still the number one mobile moba, with a revenue of now over 159M $. And with that, 80h playtimes for unlocking a champion, unbalanced gameplay and 200$ for a legendary skin continued to be the norm for gamers in mobile mobas. Mobile Legends took a hit from the lawsuit, but it was still going very well.
But while the sky of the mobile moba landscape was darkening by the months and Mobile Legends was continuing to grow its empire, in October of 2019, suddenly a sun flare peaked through the dark sky.
​
Wildrift vs Mobile Legends
In the middle of October 2019, Riot Games announced it’s new title: ‘League of Legends: Wildrift’ - short ‘Wildrift’. This was Riots answer to Mobile Legends, a verdict to the Mobile Legends misdeeds: Real League of Legends for mobile devices. Graphics comparable to its pc representative. Champions directly from League of Legends and all the great controls for mobile devices. It was League on mobile devices. To Mobile Legends players who were sick of the rough seas of unbalanced games it was a haven, for the tired eyes of dull graphics it was Jesus curing their blindness and for gamers whos wallets have been sucked empty it was a gold mine.
But how did Riots' new game set itself apart from the rest of the mobile moba games? First of all, Wildrift is the original. It is a direct representation of LoL made for mobile devices and therefore is the closest a mobile gamer will ever get to a fully fledged moba on his phone. Secondly the game looks great. It’s comparable to the pc version and lightyears ahead of what its competitors look like. And thirdly, Riot Games offers a very fair monetization scheme: Around 10$ for a skin, decent prices for champions and lots of free champion- and skin-chests, something which is completely unheard of in Mobile Legends. After Wildrifts announcement and during its open beta in mid 2020, as Riots new title was substantializing from a trailer to a real game, surely everybody would love the game, which seems objectively better in every aspect.
​
The Battle
Mobile Legends had a new competitor in the market. It was evident that Wildrift was holding better cards for the future, so after Wildrifts announcement Moontoon knew that they were on a ship that’s sinking. They decided to grab their weapons and take the offence onto Wildrift. Arguments on reddit broke out. They were not very productive. Gamers, mostly kids and teenagers, having arguments about the two games were not very practical and often took the form of calling each other idiots for liking one game more than another, and arguments started and ended with ‘fuck Wildrift’ or ‘fuck Mobile Legends’.
On the development side Moontoon was shifting course: The moment the closed beta for Wildrift started, all of a sudden Mobile Legends started giving away a few free skins to its players. Players noticed Moontoon doing things they would not have done for the community before.
The other day, rumors spread that Moontoon was actively review bombing Wildrift on the Google Playstore. This couldn’t be proven 100%, but weirdly enough, about one week after a reddit post pointed out the bad reviews, they disappeared again.
And this is the track we're on right now. Wildrift is opening its beta program in more and more countries around the globe, spending lots of money on advertising the game to players. It’s seeing very good reviews and looks at huge growth. Mobile Legends on the other hand sees its future going downhill. If Moontoon won’t introduce great changes to its game, it probably won’t last for a long time. It’s got a huge player base in South East Asia going for it, but they too are noticing Wildrift and its advantages and will try out the new game, so it’s just a matter of time until Moontoon has to act.
​
What lies ahead
Right now, Wildrift has to prove itself as the better game. Also we’ll have to see if Mobile Legends can retain its huge player base by updating Mobile Legends with appealing content. The mobile moba market is very lucrative, so you can expect both developers to clash for all customers. So with that, the game is on!
Additionally to this write-up, there will soon be a video on GenieYT YouTube about this story. This write-up is a pre-release script of an upcoming video. Check it out if you're interested!
Disclaimer: This is my first write-up, I tried to do my best. If you have suggestions regarding structure or language please let me know :)
​

I was asked to make a post about some stories within the Casino grounds so I thought I'd share. I have many so I'll do my best to pick the better ones.
Some back information: I've been a Casino Dealer for 11 years, I've been a supervisor for five years, and I've been a Surveillance Operator for one year. I've worked at three properties, none of which are connected or owned by the same company. I've worked on : Government/Private/Native American owned casinos.

1. From Hero to Zero.

At my first Casino, I was one of the first group of people who were trained to deal Roulette . After 4 weeks of working 6PM-3AM then doing roulette training from 3AM-8AM (Not paid) , I actually really enjoyed the game and after about six months I became extremely quick at the number game and the pace of the action was steady with very low margin of errors. Young man walks in, cashes in for $500. He buys in for $2 chips and just loads the board. After a few spins and pretty decent hits, he then changes his chips from $2 to 5$ then to $10 and racks his winnings up to $10,000. It was then, five spins in a row, he loaded the board with some pretty gross bets, and every spin I would hit the ONE number with either NO CHIPS on it, or maybe 1 chip , He lost all $10,000 in a matter of minutes. He leaves , and I go on break. After my break I was going back to the same table and wouldn't you know it, the same young man walks in and cashes in another $500. He tells me he just sold his car outside and this is all that he had left. So we do the same deal, buys in for $2 chips, then slowly starts betting $5 chips, $10, $25...and he makes $10,000 AGAIN. Within the next 25 minutes it was straight agony. Every spin, same thing, he would bet $2500 in chips, and win only $250, $400, and after about a half hour he lost it all . Never saw the guy again.
2) Man down
At this property, we are 24 hours for table games. It's currently 5AM , and I'm dealing some $25 Blackjack to this guy. He's probably early thirties , heavy guy. He's sober as can be, but right away I can tell he's been losing. We know how much you've bought in for, how much your down, or up, and I could see he was down $2000+. After about twenty minutes of pure losing, his temper starts to flare.At this point I now have two other guests at my table. Drinking coffee, not saying a word, just losing their money. After losing hand, after hand, this guy looks me straight in the eye, seized up, starts shaking, he can't move. He tries to punch towards me and smashes his stack of chips all over the place and falls backwards to the floor. I call for security, we cannot touch him due to liability . I can't move from my table because, well, liability / casino cash property, all I can do is try to talk to him. As I'm doing so, these other two woman who are sitting at my table just look at me and one says "OK, dealer, cmon lets go " as she taps the table telling me to start dealing and forget about the guy having a stroke on the floor. As security takes him to the ambulance out front, I had to stay behind for a couple minutes and give a statement. I go on break. I come back, and 45 minutes later, he comes right back in with a oxygen tank and keeps gambling for the remainder of the morning.
3) You get a dildo, and YOU get a dildo!
On a late summer Saturday night, we had a large event for these massive muscle guys/strongman competition type thing. After their show, I'm at the roulette table , and five of these boys come over to play. They were absolutely hilarious. They were feeling pretty good, cashed in somewhat large amounts and I could tell this was going to be a fun time. After about a hour of dealing to these guys, it's almost midnight, everybody is pretty hammered , I spin the ball, and all five of these guys take out these god damn (what I can only tell was) two feet purple dildos from inside their pants, and wiping them around in the air. The ladies were just loving it, one of the dildos landed in the roulette wheel and we had to shut the table down to re-calibrate the wheel to make sure nothing had been changed. I just remember that night was so much damn fun, I couldn't believe what I was seeing and I would never forget it.
4) Full Moon
On this day, I was actually training dealers / supervising them on small games like Three Card poker. We opened the table at 10AM, and this older man came and sat down . He played all day. The jackpot was $21,000 and that was pretty high for this table. He played, and played and played. He's one of the players where you know he's wearing a diaper because he's been drinking coffee/pop all day and hasn't moved in eight hours. As the day went on, this man never moved from his chair. Getting closer to midnight, he was aggravated and said "I need to go have a smoke, I'm getting killed in here". He left, and the very next hand, the lady beside him was dealt the jackpot . He didn't say much, but you could just tell he just hated life at that very moment because had he not gotten up, it would of been his hand. The man calmly took his cane , his hat, jacket, coffee, and left. The next morning I found out when he did leave he drove his car straight through his bank and was arrested.
5) Slick Robber
I actually give props to people who can actually pull this off. This story may confuse you so I'll try and explain things as best as possible. A lot of casinos have machines as soon as you walk through the front doors. A man walks up to one of these machines and sticks in HIS $100 bill. He doesn't gamble it, instead he hits the cash out button and gets a $100 TITO ticket where he then takes the ticket to the ATM machine to get his $100. Now remember, his Original $100 is in the slot machine. He then takes the $100 from the ATM and goes back to the same machine, and repeats this process over a hundred times. Essentially he's taking money from the ATM, and loading up the Slot Machine . Now he knows he can't do it too much because if the slot machine gets full of money, the machine will shut down and the slow attendant will have to take all the cash out. So he deposits over $10,000 , then has a small crowbar, he cracks the machine open and makes a run out the front door. To my knowledge he was never caught . But damn, that was pretty smart .
EDIT:
6) Mental Health is a thing.
10PM man walks in to play some high limit BlackJack. This guy knows the game and played well. Dressed nice, drank juice/tea , a little bit of a attitude, cashed in over $10,000. When this man was half way down his buy in, he said something a long the lines of "If I don't win here tonight, I'm going to go set myself on fire." I wasn't sure if he was serious because when people are down, they tend to say a lot of nonsense. I actually left early that night, and from a third party was told he did exactly that in the parking lot. The next day it was clear something terrible had gone wrong in the parking lot .
EDIT:
7) Nothing good happens after midnight
After a busy Saturday night, I was dealing a mix of games, and during this story I was in the middle of Blackjack. I had one young kid (probably 19) sitting in the middle, one older male probably in his later 40's sitting beside him on his right, and I had a really nice couple in their 20's sitting together at the other side. This young kid wasn't playing just sort of watching, and ever time the old man won he would give this young guy some of his winnings. The older man, was a wine drinker, and he had black between all of his teeth, I'll never forget. He's a little drunk but nothing terrible. As the night goes on, the older man goes and uses the washroom, at which point the couple asked the young guy "Oh was that your dad?" and the young guy says "Hah, no I wish!". The couple and I just looked at each other. This old guy, was in complete control over this kid. Absolutely disgusting. The night ends, and I find out the couple called a few of their friends, and they all waited outside by this old mans truck and beat the living hell out of him. 40 years old, sleeping with a 19 year old, completely brain washed . Very weird.
8) That one co-worker where you just wish they would quit.
One of our co-workers, nice guy but had a very big ego and we as employees just sorta left him alone. One day he had enough of the atmosphere and quit. Now usually when you quit, you cannot come back until you paperwork is finalized. How ever, HR was in that day, and he was given the paperwork the very next day. He came in, cashed in $1000, and made $50,000 in about a hour at the Baccarat table. My manager, was extremely annoyed, because now this guy is just mocking the casino and having the time of his life (Thanks for the big tip by the way :) ) and so he decides to call it quits. He wants to ban himself and he wants $50,000 in cash. The casino says Nope, we are going to give you a cheque. Now here's the thing, most business people will take the cheque, how ever you CANT CASH the cheque until the following monday because it's on that day where the funds are available. The casino on the other hand will cash their own check in anytime , because they want you to play. So this guy pretty much said go to hell I want my cash, and he called the police. Police show up, and management promptly gave him the cash.I though it was absolutely hilarious .
​
9) No good deed goes un punished
I was dealing Three Card Poker, and the jackpot was around $17,000. This old man (a regular) was sitting there all day grinding it out. Super nice guy, always a pleasure to deal to. Well, after hours of playing, he stands up and says "Hey john!, can you come here for a minute?" so his buddy John comes over. He says to John "I need to go take a piss real quick, can you play my card until I get back?" John agrees . John takes the chips and I stop him and explain he can't play his friends chips, he needs to cash in and play his own. And he does. Welp, second hand out and bam, doesn't he win it. The old man comes back and is so happy, he can't believe it. John, took his $17,000, didn't say a word to his "buddy" and walked away. I never felt so much hatred in all my life. Didn't give him a dollar, not a thank you, nothing. The old man sits back down again, the progressive resets to $2500, and he sat there grinding away again.
10) The Top Knot
I had this player , young guy, who was born into a fortune. One of his relatives passed away and left him a pretty big sizable amount of money, so he played poker every single day for the rest of his days. I will add, he IS a good player. I did not enjoy his company just because of the "Know-it-All" attitude, but he was good. We'll call him John. John is 5'10, and well build, with muscle. John also decided today was the day to show off his Top Knot. (google top knot if you're not sure what I mean) So he sits down, and he's absolutely KILLING the table. Every hand, after hand, after hand. And because he's in such a good mood, he's playing any two cards, calling any $500 bet, and he's just dominating. This one guy at the table decided he had enough. He got up, without saying a word and left. A moment later, he comes back in, walks behind John, and takes a pair of scissors , and cuts off his Top Knot. I for one couldn't believe it, dying laughing inside, and it just turned into one big brawl. That was a good day.
11) That one bad seed
One of my best friends who I haven't seen in YEARS ended up being part of the crew. Was kind of nice to catch up. We never really got along as we grew up because he has a very high picture of himself . He wanted that 10/10 woman. A mansion, and a new Corvette. So every month or so we would all go up to the other casino to play. I myself would bring no more than $500, but I couldn't understand how this guy (we'll call him Kyle) was spending THOUSANDS of dollars at the tables. So this wen on for a few months. Well, one day, as we're closing the casino, he and I are in the High Limit room and we're getting ready to close the tables. We are told to take the chips out, count them, put them back, sign this piece of paper and that's it. Well as the supervisor was locking the tray, the piece of paper fell to the floor, so she asked Kyle to grab the piece of paper. As he bends over, a great big $500 chip falls right out of his sock. Kyle was fired immediately , but it all made sense. They offered Kyle a deal where if he replaced all the stolen chips they would not make it public. Not sure how that turned out.
12) If I ever decide to write a book, this will be the last chapter: <3
After working at my first Casino for five years, I met a Indian woman who was visiting from another part of the country. During this time I was explaining a game to her, which honestly I don't think she even cared. She explained she was visiting and sight seeing , and that was that.Well, two years later I ended up moving to the other side of the country and transferred casinos, and low and behold she worked there as a Dealer. We got married , and it's been 5 years.
13) The Tip
One of our tables that we've had for a couple years had a progressive jackpot that had reached $100,000. The dealer at the table was sitting pretty lonely. Nobody really played the game because people knew it was extremely difficult to win the jackpot. My memory is a tad foggy, but you somehow needed to flop the royal flush. This young guy sits down and says to the dealer, we'll call him John. "John, if you pay me that jackpot, I will tip you $10,000" Well John started dealing, and about a half hour into his shift, he F*cking did it. He dealt him the royal. And you know something?This young lad, kept his word, and he made sure there was a audience, and he tipped exactly $10,000. That was a moment right there. That pay cheque was real nice. I think we all got about $500 more than usual. The moment that jackpot was awarded they got rid of the table because the money it was making was not near what the casino wanted. I'm sure there have been bigger tips at other casinos, but that was something special .
14) The Lawsuit
Now this story I'm going to have to beat around the bush a bit due to the nature of what happened. I can't won't answer any questions that you may have on this topic other than what I have to say because it had a lot of publicity . The waitresses at this casino had to wear very thin sexy clothes. Not borderline legal, but it was noticed. One day they called all the waitresses to come in and explained they were changing their outfit to something even more sexier. Now these new dresses were very very borderline legal . The staff said No way. We're not wearing that.So , friday night comes, and the staff work their whole shift, then at the end of their shift were called into a meeting and were all fired. Welp, one of those ladies father was a pretty big time lawyer. Brough the casino to court and won. They won big. Good for them. We had no waitresses for a couple days haha.
Thanks for reading along, I have many more I can add as the day goes on, those were just some off the top of my head. Feel free to ask any questions of the Casino industry. I don't really have many stories about the surveillance department because that's the one area where I can't really say a whole lot due to its privacy and contracts I was and still am under.

I wrote a post last week about MF DOOM. I'm not going to reference that much here but if you wanted to catch up feel free: https://www.reddit.com/conspiracy/comments/lbfhtmf_doom/
This isn't much of a conspiracy post but there isn't many places online that I can truly express my thoughts and feelings with like minded enough people. This particular sub is a little strange but last week I thought, what the heck, there's at least a few people that would listen and maybe join in on the discussion. I was surprised that not only did my post get upvoted, I saw a lot of different kinds of discussion happening. There was a few references people had made that interested me, so I journeyed through those references in the following days. What happened next I wasn't really expecting.
Someone had mentioned in the comments that the interview mentioned in the song I had highlighted was an Alex Collier interview from 1995:
https://youtu.be/pM9GPFwWgnA
That particular evening I was in a rut. One of those ruts you feel inside your DNA. The kind of rut that your subconscious, or higher self knows how to move through but you're just sitting there; Stuck in your conscious meat suit slowly decaying and you can't really do anything about it. I watched the video. A lot of what Alex Collier had said spoke to me. He also affirmed a lot of internal research I was doing, which was a nice feeling for a change. I was browsing /pol/ just to see what was happening and had a very higher ground feeling to make a post, so I did. What started out slow turned into probably one of the nicest experiences I've ever had online (been online since 97'). It almost felt eerily coordinated. Every feeling I had, along side the knowledge that I was seeking, arrived in a giant flurry in one of 4chans most disruptive boards. Here's the link if you're interested:
https://archive.4plebs.org/pol/thread/307119240/#307136699
I've been learning in the past 7 days, when you shine your own light, people feel safe to come out too, regardless of where you are. I did that for DOOM, I did that on /pol/ and I'm doing it again. I think this board is the closest to matching my vibration, even though this particular post wouldn't really belong in any kind of filing index (Think old school library drawer indexes). I personally find /conspiracy to be quite boring actually, as the theories lately are all click bait with very little due diligence... I digress.
I found navigating through my inner storm and feeling the need to express my inner connection, it guided me down a wonderful, dare I say, life altering path. I'm digging it so far and will continue to learn and move forward with it.
Okay. Back to DOOM.
As I move forward as consciousness having a human experience, I find MF DOOM always has lyrics there for me when I've leveled up, so to speak. There are very few artists I've been influenced by where I feel like I am a student. When I listen to DOOM, I feel the need to learn his songs word for word because whether I know it or not consciously, I know he's waiting for me (Actually had a dream about him and he was talking to me... I already know it's strange). I feel like DOOM laid out many keys, that will help me as an entity and I am honored to learn... Again, I digress.
I wanted to lay out some of these keys for 'us' and maybe we can chat about them, if you're up for it. I've had such an incredible time learning from all of you, like DOOM, I was hoping maybe if I kick off some lyrics, we could make something out of it. So, without further ado, here are a handful of songs / lyrics that I feel are relevant to start off a discussion. Maybe some of you could help me with my studies, breaking some of this stuff down.
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Gazillion Ear: Assorted Lyrics
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https://youtu.be/uPcF_xUF7mc
Grillin' stare, yeah ya boy had drama
Got em on a mental plane, avoided bad karma
Once sold a inbred skinhead a nigga joke
Plus a brand new chrome smokin' with the triggers broke
I thought I told em firing pins was separate
He find out later when he tries to go an rep it
Took a Jehovah money for a Arabic Torah
Charged in advance, translate it and ignored it sorta
One monkey don't stop no slaughta
Sick slick, hid in a book
The only way they find it if it's spittin in a hook
Listen, don't look now, keep walkin'
Traded three beans for this cow, cheap talkin'
Hawk men, stalkin', hit a weed, hawkin' often
Cough into a coffin, might as well scoff the pork then
He's like Wharf, some say stronger though
Off the top J strong bow, play along bro
Wear a mask like yo off the Gong Show
Flow slow as Mongo, Don Juan thong pro
For ya info when he's not practicin' Jim Crow
A actress and some nympho bimbo
Half cocked and half baked
Used to keep a full stock of work half rocked and half shaked
My mistake, silent track agreement
For more G's than lines and cracks in the cement
In any event it's fake like wrestlin'
Get em like Keak da Sneak on mescaline
Ahem, elixir for the dry throat
Tried to hit the high note. Villain's just a itsy bitsy zygote
By remote, send in the meat wagon
Braggin' MC's packed in with they feets draggin'
Villain, his agenda is clear
Endin' this year with dividends to spare, here
It's not meant for the scene
Went through the celin' after enterin' his center bein'
A new meanin' to sales through the roof
Guaranteed raw and saw his truth is truth, proof
We need some more oil for the machines to burn, learn
Jiminy crickets, he gets lucky like winnin' free tickets off simply lyrics
One mans waste is another mans soap
Sons fan base, know the brotha man's dope
A real weirdo, with a bug rear flow
And the way his hair grow was ugly as a scarecrow
He wears a mask so the charge won't grab
On a rooftop with a large stone slab
Heads up, talk white and thought niggerous
Refuse to walk tight and got his off the figure'ish
How he handle the money was strictly Dan Stucky
Monkey hustle, man on fire
Later for the date than the hadron collider
And cost more, if it's seemin' like a style
DOOM leave the competition steamin' like a pile
Smile, ding!
Sparkling jewels, in effect like alternate side of the street parkin' rules
Fools, the roach is never dead
Live for a week, then dehydrate with a severed head. Instead..It was depicted as Flik did
Split, the wick's lit
​
​
Great Things:
https://youtu.be/Ck1VM0DbPvo
Just put your mind to it, you'll go mad far
Like the plasma in reactors when you're headed to the stars
Let it be tomorrow, it starts on the inside
Use intuition and conscience as a guide, glide
Choose a target, however immaculate
Focus till it manifest pin-point accurate
That's a sure bet, and Villain's no gambler
Freeze frame a thought like it's caught on camera
Advice is free of charge, just pay attention
A donation as they say in this dimension
A game-winning strategy: support your favorite charity
Playing with polarity could drain a whole battery
Beware of apathy and procrastination
And put the plan in full effect for instant activation
Just a few jewels that's hidden in plain sight
Ain't nothing else to it but to do it, but do it rightAight?
​
​
Cellz Pt.1 Feat Charles Bukowski
https://youtu.be/QbP_p_hHrtU
Born like this, into this
As the chalk faces smile, as Mrs. Death laughs
As political landscapes dissolve
As the oily fish spit out their oily prey
We are born like this, into this
Into hospitals which are so expensive that it's cheaper to die
Into lawyers who charged so much, it's cheaper to plead guilty
Into a country where the jails are full and the madhouses closed
Into a place where the masses elevate fools into rich heroes
Born into this, walking and living through this
Dying because of this
Castrated, debauched, disinherited, because of this
The fingers reach toward an unresponsive God
The fingers reach for the bottle, the pill, the powderWe are born into this sorrowful deadliness
There will be open and unpunished murder in the streets
It will be guns and roving mobs, land will be useless
Food will become a diminishing return
Nuclear power will be taken over by the many
Explosions will continually shape the earth
Radiated men will eat the flesh of radiated men
The rotting bodies of men and animals stink in the dark wind
And there will be the most beautiful silence never heard
Born out of that, the sun hidden thereAwaiting the next chapter...
​
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Cellz Pt.2:
https://youtu.be/M4LJOXqLK1o
DOOM from the realm of Al-Qayyum. Smelly gel fume
Separating cell womb to Mele Mel, boom!
Revelations in braille, respiration, inhaleView nations fail, shaking of a snake tail
Make due, blazing swords, traze the haze, praise the Lord
Saving grace. Lace your broad, she say she bored
A crazy straw, ink and stale-dried paraffin
Candy corn crap rappers pale by comparison
Chiefin beefin' bein' off deep ends, divine bright shines even
Dimes quiet as minds by design, mighty fine
Slight rewind, tightly bind, blind lead blind
Need minds now, that was this is then
Listenin' to sizzlin' officialtons whisperin' him again
Major vets spaded through the vest with a bayonet
Save your breath, gave a F, pay your debt, they forget
Make 'em sweat bullets, crime pays no benefits
Then it gets wilder with more childish degenerates
Yodel at your uncle flows, my motorcycle trunk fullsfrom 2, 1 to 1, loose crumbs to chunks in bundles
Hands down, better than what your mans used to get
Standin' around for where the translucent lucid spit
Missin wheel, you don't listen, you a feel head
Sittin' in the kitchen, pissin', twitchin', kissin' steel lead
Crime pays no dental nor medical
Unless you catch retirement, county, state or federal
Ya heard like roaring waters in a seashell
If a tree fell, ya couldn't tell from 3 cell
Be real careful, they tellin' by the earful
Kids doin' skid bids, acting out is terrible
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Strange Ways:
https://youtu.be/T_3wjvGiWTU
Wreak havoc, beep beep it's mad traffic
Sleek and lavish people speaking leaking to the maverick
He see as just another felony drug arrest
Any day could be the one he pick the wrong thug to test
Slug through the vest... Shot in the street
For pulling heat on a father whose baby's gotta eat
And when they get hungry, it ain't shit funny
Paid to interfere with how a brother get his money
Now, who's the real thugs, killers and gangsters?
Set the revolution, let the things bust and thank us
When the smoke clear, you can see the sky again
There will be the chopped off heads of Leviathan
They pray four times a day, they pray five
Who ways is strange when it's time to survive
Some will go of they own free will to die
Others take them with you when they blow sky high
What's the difference? All you get is lost children
While the bosses sit up behind the desks
It cost billions to blast humans in half, into calves and arms
Only one side is allowed to have bombs
It's like making a soldier drop his weapon
Shooting him, and telling him to get to stepping
Obviously, they came to portion up his fortune
Sounds to me like that old robbery/extortion
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​
"GMO"
https://youtu.be/tV1sRLYksNM
here they go, feminizing men again
Then pretend they don't know when we know it, xenoestrogen
Exorcise the jinnKeynote lecture with a spin
Meant to get c-notes from end to end
Whoever use canola oil ya soul'll boil
For a longer time than it take a diet cola to spoil
Uh, I get what you're sellin'Swellin' from alien microfilaments, it's Morgellons
Even if you're gellin'
What's that in your melon? And what the hell is they sprayin'? No tellin'
Barium strontium, aluminumWell drink responsibly, get the truth from DOOM and 'em
Can't trust the tap water much less the kettle
Double entendre to the phrase test your mettle
The rest'll settle, just to get fed well
As the livin' dead infect the red cell
Don't drink the milk, it's spoiled
The blood and stuff in it make it stink, that's why it's boiled
Snake oil sales from doorbell doctors who slip Mickey's
And trick you to strip to get jipped quickly
Kick me, you know it's gettin' worse
No help bein' upset, ya startin' to curse first
Better off with a good sense of humor
Research to know what's the truth instead of rumor
Ya partner DOOM is who'll rideOr either do or die like farmer suicide, chew your pride
Might as well start 'em out in pro boxin'
Than force-feedin' them toddler food laced with excitotoxins
They did it like the funky worm
Enough to make a junkie squirm, mice making monkey sperm
Or rice infused with diarrhea drugsWonder why it's here, well shrug, hells yeah it's bugged
And it gets bugged'er by the minute
Question: will the frankenfoods kill us?
Or turn us into thangs off Thriller, or dang gorillas?
Breeds of a needless variety
In the name of greed we get a seedless society
Flounder genes in your tomatoes
Cod in your potatoes, playin' God, retarded'er than Play-Doh
And as the juice gets sweeter
No use in bein' cute if you's a useless eater
Make it hard to keep your mattress clean
That was mean, little froggies with sex changes from atrazine
And aspartame in gum, Splenda is plenty fun
Left many strung, agenda 21Or have your third eye cry or your side blown
Well right on, forgot to sign the guide stone
Yours truly all caps DOOMSue him if you’re gloomy, or boo'em to your tomb
Slicko, it's like robitussin but toxic
She take it to feel better, but there's more to the concoction
She'll peep it
Got a lot, can you keep it?
Got these keys to the cuffs
To unlock all these secrets
Yes I'm professin', yes teachin'
With the villain, strategic
Got these apples and peaches
The size of Kelly and Regis
You won't believe till you see it
And with them come these allergies
Underage with doubles DsAw, man, ya killing me
Literally
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There are more lyrics that I love but I feel they would be out of step for this sub, I fear any more and I would be exiled to /mfdoom.